Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:adluvshp says:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums!

This seems like a great start to your four-part story =) I like your plot, of Victoire being pregnant and being 'shunned' by the society, and feeling resentment that no one is treating Teddy any differently. It is something different from the usual pregnancy fics and I like that.

I also enjoy the backstory/flashbacks you're giving us about the situation before the first scene of the story.

Victoire seems to be characterised well, along with her two friends. The whole concept of the band was quite good too, as it reflects the teenage hype we have about bands even in the muggle world. Her reaction to finding out that Fred ratted her out, and then to Neville's 'lecture' was also quite realistic, especially for a seventeen year old who's most probably pregnant. I liked the note you ended this on, as well, since it made me curious to read further, and it also showed that Victoire was aware that something was wrong.

As for your concerns, I definitely find the plot original, and that as well as Victoire's reactions realistic so far. It is all quite believable so good job =)

As for CC, I don't have much for you, except for a few minor things. The opening sentence of the story mentions "the wind blowing her violently" which I believe should be "the wind blowing around her violently" or something like that? Since if the wind were to blow her, she'd probably be flying xP Also, a couple of times you mentioned the phrase "off of something" (like 'off off the cliff's edge'). If I am not mistaken, you don't need the second 'of'. It should just be "off the cliff's edge" =) Those are all the grammar nitpicks I have. As for story wise, I think you're doing a good job with everything, be it characterisation, plot, pace, flow, descriptions, and writing style. It is all nicely done!

So, great work all in all. I quite liked reading this, so feel free to re-request for the next chapter. Please keep writing.


Author's Response: Hi Aditi! Sorry for the delay in responding to your review, real life has been hectic! :(

It's superb to hear that you like this story! Although I've now written and added an epilogue, so this story is now a five-part novella. Eeep.

I wanted to emphasise that she was a teenage girl despite her Head Girl position, and that she's not above breaking rules, and I'm pleased that that came across well. I've never thought of Neville as being the type of professor to turn a blind eye to his friends' children, so it's fabulous that you liked him here! :D

Oooh, thanks for spotting that! The mistakes have been fixed - I appreciate you letting me know they were there! XD

Thank you!

-Katie ♥

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 909
Submit Report: