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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

Right off the bat, I like that the characters have interesting flaws: Victoire has bad fashion sense, Molly is sulky and James drinks too much. Perfect characters are never much fun. :)

I wonder why Molly is so upset over her cousin's marriage? Her distress makes me think that there are more issues lurking under the surface, other than their youth and recent breakup and reconciliation. I also wonder why she's so miserable when Noah tells her he loves her after three years of dating. I'm curious to see how her feelings develop over the course of the story and how she deals with them.

The one grammar tip I have is to try to avoid unnecessary use of the verb "be." Here's an example: "Her cousin was being accompanied by Molly's Uncle Bill." You can shorten this sentence and enhance the flow of your writing: "Molly's Uncle Bill accompanied her cousin."
Here's another instance: "... and tears were glistening on her cheeks." You could shorten this to "... with tears glistening on her cheeks."

I really like that the characters seem consistent with canon. There was just one thing that I'm not so sure of: "Though her parents were fully capable of affording the whole wedding on their own, the Potters agreed to take care of it as long as the wedding was held in London."
I agree that Harry would want to provide for his godson, but I also think he would understand that the Weasleys pride themselves on providing for their family members. I don't think Bill would ever allow the Potters to bear the entire cost of the wedding, either. I think instead they might agree to split the costs 50/50.

I like the vivid visual descriptions of the church and the characters' clothing and hair. I could picture everything clearly, particularly the poofy dresses. :) I also thought it was very cute how Teddy's hair changed from brown to purple when he kissed Victoire.

I appreciate you having James slur his words from drunkenness, and this scene is funny, but I think he sounds a little too much like Hagrid here: "I dunno. Jus' though' that maybe the two of ya broke up or somethin'." If he drinks again, you could have him smoosh some of his words together, or have him substitute a similar (but wrong) word from time to time. I've heard people do that. :)

Sorry for being a bit slow with the review for this first chapter, I plan to get to chapter two very soon!

Author's Response: Hey! I'm really glad you like the quirks! They're my favorite part of any character I write. :)

Molly is upset not so much because she is in love with Teddy, or that she hates Victoire, or anything like that. I'm actually really surprised this ended up being something that everyone has wondered about. There will be a scene (I have yet to write) with Molly having a flashback, and I hope it will make a little more sense! :D

Thanks for the grammar tips! :) I wrote this chapter over three and a half years ago or so. I would like to think my grammar has gotten better, but I'll be glad to go back and review so I can fix it! :)

Hmmm, you know, that actually bothered me a little after I wrote it too. The more I think of it, the more I see them splitting it 50/50 as well. I always figured that, though Fleur has quite a substantial amount of money, Bill doesn't bring in as much financially so Harry helped out for the sake of his friends and god son. :) Another thing I'll probably go back and fix!

A lot of people have said he sounds like Hagrid haha. Maybe if he gets drunk again sometime soon I'll have him do something different. I actually took the accent off another movie I had seen. (Don't really remember, but I was laughing a lot. Or maybe it was a comic?)

No worries about time! You came, right? :D Thank you so so much for stopping by and reading/reviewing! It makes me so happy! :D


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