Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there! I'm so glad you re-requested because I'm really enjoying this story! It's such a nice change from most of the stuff I read :)

Anyway, I loved their reactions in this. Particularly Dominique's. It reminds me of what you said in the last chapter - that she's not prejudiced, she's just scared, you know? It just brings that to mind, because here she is being prejudiced, but it's always easier to be okay with something when it doesn't effect you, you know? But now it effects her, she sees it differently. It also highlights, to me, the realism of the condition. Remus was lucky, like you said, he had three friends who transformed into Animagi and kept him company so he didn't go insane. He had a helper/mentor/friend in Dumbledore who allowed him to go to school and helped him get a job in POA and made Snape make him the Wolfsbane Potion. Dom doesn't have friends like that, and while she could very easily take the potion, it's probably still very difficult to make and therefore expensive. Plus, her life as she knows it has just been ruined - of course she'll react badly! It's such a human thing, though, which is why I love it so much. It's not a nice thing to do, it's not a good thing to do, but it's human. And I love human-esque characters :)

I really liked the inclusion of the dream at the beginning - I thought that was really nice. I liked how you didn't really tell us anything about it as well, at the beginning, so we kind of had to guess ourselves or wait to be told. I'd just recommend putting a page-break marker (like ~) or something in between two sections, for clarity and to distinguish the two. Since they're almost separate povs, I feel they should be separated.

Just a few quick things to mention! You said when talking about her looking at her family 'focusing on each..., then at Teddy' when it should be 'on Teddy' because it's linked with 'focusing' and you don't focus at things, you focus on things. In the same bit you had Bill answer Teddy's question with 'of course it isn't', which is, honestly, completely unnecessary and doesn't answer the question so you could just cut that out without any trouble. Also, you said Teddy 'anxiously murmured', which, it might just be me being picky, sounds wrong to me. It sounds better when said 'murmured anxiously', but that's just a little thing! :) The only other thing is when you describe her seeing her family's reactions. You describe them all in a long list, and it's a bit boring, tbh. Maybe you could mention one thing each for them or break it up so its less list-like? It just seemed a little bit too much 'and he was like this and this, and she was like that and that... ', you know?

I really, really like this, though. Yeah, the chapters are short, but they're punchy and emotive and thought-provoking, and you get in everything important without providing unnecessary information or over-complicating things. Your flow is perfect, no real grammar or spelling problems, and your characterisation is wonderful. Please feel free to re-request whenever! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a ton for your thoughtful review =) It's great to hear that you're enjoying the story.

I am glad you liked the reactions of everyone in the story. I wanted to portray Dominique's especially deeply so its good to know it worked. Aha I am pleased you made the connection between what I said in the previous chapter and this one, and that it showed the realism of the situation as that was my aim. Indeed, you're quite right about it all. I am flattered that you found this very human as I worked hard on not making this about some perfect people =) I love human-esque characters too.

I debated about how to open the chapter and then I felt that the dream was the best way to do it, since it kind of showed a distorted reflection of reality. Thanks for the recommendation, I'll see what I can do =) They're not really separate POVs, just separate segments, nonetheless I'll consider your advice.

Oh thanks for pointing out the grammar stuff. English is not my first language so I tend to make mistakes, so thank you for helping me out. I'll go back and edit them as soon as I get time. As for the description of family's reactions, you may be right, I'll have to go back and read that section again and see how I can change it when I get the time.

I am glad you liked it all though, and you find the flow and characterisation nice. Thanks a lot for all your comments, they were really helpful and I'll surely come back to this review when I edit!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 601
Submit Report: