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Review:HeyMrsPotter says:
Hello, here with your requested review :)
I read this through and didn't realise it was for a challenge so when I got to the penguin, I was like "what?!"so I'm now rewriting my original review haha.
I really love the description of the forest, you paint a very haunting picture and I particularly liked the reference to the veil in the ministry.
There's one sentence in the sixth paragraph that doesn't quite sit right " His eyes widen in fear, freezing him in place, when he sees the shadow." as the rest of your story is written in past tense I think it would be better as "His eyes widened in fear, freezing him in place, when he saw the shadow." Other than that the story flows really well.
The penguin actually really creeped me out haha. At first when it appeared I laughed but then when it started calling his name and accusing him of killing it I was genuinely freaked haha. I think that's a good reflection on your writing though, rather than my insanity, you create a really tense atmosphere with your descriptions.
I thought the part where Gellert describes the fight from his point of view was really good, especially the way it kept flicking between that and his confrontation with the penguin (there's a sentence I never thought I'd write!) It really represented Gellert's thoughts, scattered and confused.
I really liked the ending too, about him finally finding remorse and the penguin disappearing.
Brilliant story and best use of a giant stuffed panda I've ever read haha. Job well done :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Out of the different selections, I chose the penguin first, mainly because it's my sister's favorite animal. So I thought why not try to write a story involving a penguin?

Thank you for pointing out the change needed. I've made the correction. I write my timelines in present tense and the stories in past tense. :)

I did want to make the penguin stand out, not only because of the challenge but also because I saw it as a manifestation of his guilt. He wasn't able to run away from his guilt. And when he finally admitted to his guilt, it didn't just disappear.

Thank you very much!


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