Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:nott theodore says:
Jami, I seriously can't get enough of your writing! I know that this was only a really short story because it was for the Every Word Counts Challenge (by the way, I'm really impressed that you managed to get this story to exactly 500 words, because I know I'd really struggle doing that!) but it was great just the same.

Actually, at first (probably because I didn't look at the characters who were in the one-shot before I clicked on it!) I thought that the protagonists were the Potters, but it's actually a really interesting idea to see that others cared for their children just as much as Lily and James loved Harry. We know from the books that, as horrible as the Malfoys appear to be throughout the series, their son does become the most important thing to them. I mean, Narcissa even lies to Voldemort about Harry just to give her a chance of finding Draco alive up in the castle - there's nothing much braver that you could see a Death Eater (or the wife and mother of a Death Eater, anyway) doing for someone they loved.

I thought the way that you portrayed that love for their child was extremely effective. I honestly can't imagine how awful it must have been for someone to know that they were bringing their child into a world torn apart by war and full of danger. The Malfoys probably had an advantage over the Potters to some extent, since they were so convinced that the Dark Lord was invincible and immortal that their side wouldn't have a chance of failing, but at the same time that probably doesn't diminish their fear at all. Narcissa comes through as a true mother in this story, which is great to see. She's so cold and distant in a lot of the books because we're seeing her from Harry's perspective, but she was extremely loving and protective of her son.

Another element I loved was the fact that you drew parallels in the story between Harry's early life and Draco's beginnings in the world. The idea of Draco flying around on a little toy broomstick just like Harry did at the same age is very realistic, because we know from the books that Draco always had the best that money could buy and would have been zooming around on his own toy broomstick from the earliest age possible. Although the two families were on different sides, I imagine that if Lily and James had lived, Draco and Harry would probably have had very similar upbringings (although perhaps Harry wouldn't have been as spoilt as Draco was!). Harry would have been well cared for and deeply loved by his parents and his family, and it's really quite poignant to think about what he missed out on because of Voldemort.

Another thing I loved here was your use of the word "predicament" to explain the situation the Malfoys were in. It fits so well with everything we know about Voldemort and his inability to love other people. He just doesn't have the capacity to understand the ties between friends and families, and like we see at the end of the series, that inability to understand te power of love will become his downfall.

As far as constructive criticism goes, I only saw one typo:
"needed to feel their hearts beat together." -- I think this should be needing?

I could probably go on for much longer about this one-shot, because it's really wonderful and it's clear how carefully you've chosen each word and how much thought you've put into writing it. It really is great to read!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Sian!!! I always forget to tell you this, but your penname always makes me laugh. In my head I go, 'it's nott Theodore. Like, Theodore Nott, except she's *not* theodore.' hahah. I don't even know if that made any sense, but I do it all the time.

Don't worry! I hid the characters who were in the one shot!! I wanted to be tricky! I think I just have 'other canon' listed. Mwahaha. I absolutely wanted you to think it was the Potters.

I don't think I have a super strong head canon of the Malfoys. I use Draco and Astoria as my fall back characters sometimes. If I want to write a story but can't think of who it would fit, I go to those two. But I totally agree with the fact that Draco is the most important thing to the Malfoys, especially Narcissa.

I think there was probably a time in Narcissa's life when she realized nothing was going to be okay. Voldemort wasn't going to be okay, he wasn't going to make their lives okay, and eventually they would be expected to give their son to a lunatic. Is it their fault for being involved in this world in the first place? Yes. But does anyone actually deserve to face the prospect of their son being killed for his father's failure? Absolutely not. See, now I feel sad for Narcissa. haha!

It's so crazy to think what could have happened if Lily and James would have lived. Like you said, I don't think he would have been half as spoiled, but I do think he would have been much more confident in himself. Maybe if Voldemort wouldn't have gotten as high as he was Draco would have had a chance too, and Lucius wouldn't have gotten so devoted. But then Draco wouldn't be Draco... without the disgusting arrogance surrounding him ;).

I'm so happy you enjoyed this one shot, especially since it is one of my first pieces! I can't say I'll ever be great at writing the Malfoys, but it was fun to explore them for this.

Thank you so much for another absolutely awesome review ♥ you're spoiling me!!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 208
Submit Report: