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Review:AlexFan says:
I'm back! I know, I'm getting to this late and I'm really sorry about that.

Characterization: Where to begin, where to begin! Cole is an insensitive pig that needs to go sit into a deep hole in the ground and think about what he's done.

Like, really, is this boy for real! I'd understand if Cole was this way with everyone and I get that it's his personality, but, come on, the girl is pregnant and that's how you respond.

I'd also expect a little bit more surprise at the idea that he knocked up some girl. Especially after what he said about his dad freaking out on him. And he was so mean to Ally! I would understand if she had done something to him that was really mean or something but just to call her stupid for no apparent reason practically screams that Cole is a complete wiener. Either that or he's just that arrogant.

I also feel the need to beat Cole over the head with a book full of federal laws. "Took advantage of her" is the nice of putting what he did to her. Having sex with someone when they're drunk or not in control of their inhibitions counts as rape. Because the person is not sober they are not in their right mind and therefore cannot make proper judgment or fight someone off of them. Especially an attacker.

Technically speaking, Ally could have Cole arrested on the fact that he sexually assaulted her.

Plot:Things are finally starting to get intense! We've got Cole here who is a total jerkface and who knows what he's going to do and the things that he's going to say. We've got the two other baby daddy's that are unaware that their life could be changed forever.

Yep, things are starting to heat up!

Flow: This chapter seemed to go by really fast. There was this hurried pace to this and it felt rushed. I would suggest slowing down everything that's going on and add more description and dialogue.

Reader Interest: The story has definitely gotten more interesting and I think that readers are going to enjoy hating Cole as the story goes on. After all, everyone loves having someone that they can hate.

Anyway, good job on the chapter!

Author's Response: Hello again!

Cole, you got it in one. He is not a nice person at all. You certainly have permission to beat him over the head, in fact I'll even join in!!
Yes she could, who knows what will happen once everything is out in the open.

Cole is a massive jerk face, but will he change???As for the other two who knows just yet. Things are definitely heating up!!!

I'll make sure to slow it down.
Thank you once again!!!

-Potterfan310
Soph x :)


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