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Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there! Okay, so I loved this! The mood was great right from the start - the slow, thoughtful pace of the whole thing is very much Remus and very much sombre as well - and it was so good not to let it up at all through the rest of it.

I liked the way it was kinda abstract, kinda automatic in the sense of someone staring off into space and thinking about things, while stuff is happening in the background, you know? Kinda like you're noticing it, but you're not really paying attention. (I'm sorry, that's a really rubbish explanation, but hopefully you know what I mean :P). But yeah, that sort of feeling worked so well with this because it's a funeral and because of everything and everyone Remus has lost: Lily, James, Peter, Sirius, Harry... I loved the little reference to the other Order members' funerals, as well, when you said he'd been to lots of funerals recently. It was a nice way of slipping in a mention - sometimes people forget that it wasn't just the four of them and Dumbledore ;)

I loved the way you wrote Remus. His voice was very strong and trying-not-to-be-emotional, which I think works so well with him, and you didn't go over the top with his grief or anything as well; it was just understated enough that it made it more powerful, in a way, than if it had been all loud and showy. Remus... again, I liked how you slipped in the details - references to wolves and his bite - and how you brought up his feelings of guilt and how everyone (Sirius, at least) thought he was the traitor... it was really detailed and I liked that - it suits this so well.

Also, the way you kept referring back to this idea of 'innocence' and how certain people are innocent and others aren't, etc. that was a hugely powerful metaphor and yet so understated at the same time... I loved it. It was so brilliant.

One thing I would say is that there are a few mistakes in here - a few missing spaces and typos or missing words. It might be worth just checking it over once more or whipping it through an editing system (I recommend EditMinion - if you put it into google, it should come up. It's free and all ;P), because it did jar the flow a couple of times (and there's a typo in the first paragraph, I think).

But yeah, honestly, that's it. This was really sombre and beautiful and with such lovely imagery and detailing... and Remus... yeah, I loved it :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph! I'm so glad that you loved it, and found that the mood stayed throughout as I struggled a little with that.

Yay I get what you mean, and I'm glad because that's what I was aiming to do. I didn't want to focus on the funeral proceedings as I would imagine that would be the least of Remus' concern on a day like that one. You got the reference about the other funerals :D I thought it was too subtle as no one picked up on it so far! I agree that a lot of people forget that other people died too, and I wanted to weave that in.

I'm glad that you liked Remus' voice, as I agree, he's not the type to burst into tears and have a mental breakdown or whatever. He always had that quiet reserve about him. Those references were fun to through, and he always had such a guilt complex about that it wouldn't be right without them!

It was powerful? Eep thank you, when I write half this stuff I'm never sure if people will get what I'm aiming to do, but it's always lovely to hear that you did.

I always slip in a few areas, it's so annoying! I'll definitely go and use EditMinion as I've never found a good site for things like that :)

Thank you for this lovely review, it really cheered me up!

-Kiana


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