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Review:nott theodore says:
I'm back for some more of your lovely writing! This was a really touching portrayal of Cho and the effects that the war and Cedric's death especially had on her.

One thing that I thought worked really well in this story was your use of the present tense. I felt like I was really living through all the emotions with Cho and her grief came through strongly. In a strange way, I love the idea of her visiting Cedric's grave even when he's died and she's trying to move on with her life. Even though she's started dating a muggle, she can't help but remember the Hufflepuff hero as her first love and that is something that will stay with her through the rest of her life.

Another aspect I enjoyed was the way that Cho had 'survivor's guilt'. She feels like she wasn't as brave as the Gryffindors like Harry and Ginny who she mentions, but especially Cedric, and that makes it harder for her to deal with his death. Despite the fact that she was brave and fought in the Battle of Hogwarts against Voldemort and his (mostly) Slytherin Death Eaters, Cho still can't help feeling that she doesn't deserve to live.

The contrast that was evident in this chapter between the former Cho and the present Cho was very effective. Just the mention of her being the popular Ravenclaw seeker was enough to emphasise the differences to what she is like now. I loved this sentence: "her eyes once a deep shade of brown that once caught the attention of Harry Potter himself are now dull and flat, rarely showing any expression." I felt that it really illustrated her grief; it seems as if part of Cho died along with Cedric.

I just have a few bits of constructive criticism. I think that this sentence "She married Harry Potter a couple years back" sounds quite American, and maybe if Cho said 'a couple of years back' it would fit in better with the rest of her English speech. I also think that the sentence beginning "This is a journey she has made before..." sound a bit too long when you read it, and I'd be tempted to put a full stop after 'before' and continue with a new sentence.

Overall, a really effective and moving chapter, and I'll be back soon to read the next one!

Sian :)

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