|Review:||Violet Gryfindor says:|
Hello! You requested this review some time ago from TGS, and I'm very sorry about the wait. Hopefully it's still of use to you, though I have to warn you now that these kind of fluffy stories are not my strong point, so I'm not sure how much I can actually offer you in terms of feedback. It's been a while since I've read something about the Malfoys, too.
In this story, you explore Narcissa and Lucius's relationship in an interesting way. It's a tough thing to do because the books provide so little about them as a couple - we see far more of what they're like as parents with their influence on Draco's life. There are still many questions about how the Malfoys came to be married, why they only have one child (perhaps they were just lucky to have a son right away, or perhaps there are other things we never hear about), and how the War impacted on their relationship. What you've done in this story provides some solid insight into these big questions, and by using Narcissa's point of view, you're able to capture her side of the story extremely well.
The narration is definitely a strength of this story - you give her voice a formality that suits her heritage, and what I liked best was the way that the narration enhanced the dialogue. As a child she sounds meek and obedient in dialogue while her narration revealing insecurity and uncertainty as she finds herself suddenly in a relationship with Lucius. What I don't see, and what I think would have enhanced your portrayal of Narcissa, is more of the strength she possesses as an adult. She did incredible things to protect her son, both times behind her husband's back, but here she doesn't seem to show that kind of development from the obedient youngest daughter to the witch who defied Voldemort. While I agree with you that she would worry a lot, she also is an active player in events, not just the person on the sidelines that you have in the final two sections. If you could convey this strength within those sections, it would do much to strengthen your portrayal of Narcissa and, perhaps more importantly, provide more emotional impact.
Please let me know if you want to discuss this in greater detail. Your story has potential and it would be wonderful to see more stories about Narcissa, particularly in the first person. Nice work with this story! :)
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, no worries about the delay.
I am pleased you found the way I explored the Lucius/Narcissa relationship interesting. Yeah I sort of put most of my head canon in this story, and I wasn't too sure how well I did it, so it's great to hear that you think I have captured Narcissa's side of the story nicely.
I am glad you liked the narration and the dialogue, and the way her personality shows through it. Hmm, thanks for your helpful advice. If/when I do an edit, I'll see what I can do about showing Narcissa's 'strength'.
I am glad you liked the story overall, I love writing Narcissa so it's always good to hear feedback. Thank you =)