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Review:RavenclawGirl11 says:
I like the ending - sort of a cliff hanger but not. I think your paragraphs are too short, combining them will make an easier read. Also, you could reword some paragraphs such as:

"While she wept, sparkles appeared around her. They flittered here and there as she cried. Only when she began trying to catch her wobbly breath, did she relax. The small sparkles faded away as if they had never existed."

You could change that too: "Ginny wept, her heart aching to see those emerald green eyes that so many times she thought looked into her soul. Small, red sparkles surrounded her as her cries became irregular. Catching her breath, the sparkles faded and died as if they never existed - just like Harry." for example (sorry that was really quick and I made it up on the spot)

Again, if you take the time and flesh over things making them longer, more flowy and readable, it will be better and more people will be attracted to the story. I hope you take my criticism aboard as it will help you greatly

~ Macy

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

I've made notes to fix the paragraph lengths and include more details.

I appreciate the time you have taken to read through and critique my chapters. I do want to improve my writing and I really enjoy writing.

Thank you very much!


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