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Review:RavenclawGirl11 says:
Hi! You asked for me to review this chapter, so I am. First of all, I think that you are amazing at writing Third Person - it was almost like JK Rowling wrote it herself. Personally, I do not think that Harry would "feel pity" for Draco. I think he'd be furious with Draco; he lured Dumbledore to his death and almost killed Ron and Katie Bell! Just my personal thoughts but on to the chapter...

I think you could change the length and flow of your sentences and paragraphs. For example...

"He sneered. He was finally free of his once-Potions Master. He finally convinced that rat to let him go."

You could do, "He sneered; he was finally free of his once-Potion Master - he finally convinced that rat to let him go."

Nevertheless, its a good start!
~ Macy x

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the compliment!

I took another look at the HBP and reconsidered Harry's reaction. To only have a 2 or 3 weeks pass, pity might be a little much for Harry to have for Draco. Perhaps concern would be a better word.

I will go back through the chapters (and the story) and work on varying the sentence lengths.

Thank you very much!


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