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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey Camille! Team Blue for the win :D

I really liked Rose’s characterisation. Her thoughts were easy and fun to follow, and I felt that we really got a sense of her which is great considering this was only a one-shot. I also really liked how she showed some level of contempt towards the Weasleys all being happy and together, as that isn’t always done, but it’s a more accurate reflection in my opinion.

I really liked Scorpius’ characterisation to, and it was fun to read the hate between him and Rose at first, then when she came out of her shell, to see that they were closer again.

I did wonder why Hermione and Ron hadn’t been mentioned and why Rose went in the car with Harry and Ginny, but I certainly didn’t expect that. I think it really fits in with Rose’s closed personality and that she was separated from the others. The idea of the make believe world was really great as it showed that she could find an escape from the pain of Ron being dead, and it was really lovely to read.

I have a few grammar things for you. ‘seem to believe that us Weasley’s must be inseparable’ you don’t need the apostrophe in Weasleys as it’s a collective group not a possessive thing. And I think here ‘when in actuality‘ it would improve the flow to say ‘reality‘.

You also sometimes slipped up a little in the tenses like here ‘I hastily stuffed my cell phone in my back pocket’ and here ‘Actually, he’s really not that bad.’ You changed from past to present throughout and I couldn’t figure out which one it should be in, so you may want to check that over.

Overall I thought this was a really love one-shot Camille :D


Author's Response: LOL I suck at grammar. Thanks so much for the review Kiana, they are always so sweet :) I am so glad you enjoyed it, I sorta wrote this on a whim, but I had a good time with it, so i am glad that came across :) Thanks again for the review.

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