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Review:ShadowRose says:
And I'm back! :)

I forgot to mention on the last chapter, but I really like how you're using alphabet letters for each chapter title. It's really quite unique. Have fun with chapter 24 though, because I don't know what starts with X that would make all that much sense. :)

I like how the end of the flashback parallels with the start of the present day part. That's kind of what I was talking about in my last review about tying things together. And then you did it again with the sorting flashback too. So that's good. :)

Also, I love how you threw Albus's fear of being a Slytherin in there. It just ties in the epilogue, and I love when fanfics do that, because I'm totally a canon junkie. Speaking of that scene, I love how they both named the giant squid. That was adorable. Although I do still like the name Mr. Squiggles...

I loved the scene in the compartment when they're all talking, because they all just seem like such funny characters. It's hilarious that Al and Charlotte actually did meet the giant squid after all.

Also, Charlotte's panic attack was intense. The scene was really well written, as the tension just came out of nowhere, much like her anxiety did. It was also kind of interesting how quickly the girls both snapped out of it too, almost like it had become something they were both accustomed to. But then, later, it's revealed that Talia really isn't, and is worried.

The final scene with Al and Talia was really sweet, in a strange way. It was adorable to see how much Albus cares about Charlotte, in that he's so worried about it, and already has a full plan of action in front of him.

I like how you continue with Charlotte's characterization, in that she tries so hard to be normal, but sometimes her anxiety gets the best of her, like on the train, but then there are other times, like the feast, where she can be completely normal.

One thing I'd suggest is throwing in some slightly longer paragraphs, just to add some variety, so it's not all just single sentences. That also allows for more description, which is always a good thing to add. :)

Overall, another excellent chapter!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: And I'm back too!

Oh chapter 24... enough said.

Oh! Okay now I think I have more of a basis on how to fix the flashbacks, thanks! Ugh. I love how you mentioned that I kept it cannon because that was a serious concern of mine. I am totally a cannon junkie too. It's also why I had her notice Al at the train station, but not go up to him.

Yeah I researched panic attacks and it seems like sometimes they just come out of nowhere. I wanted it to be as realistic as possible even though I'm not an expert on the topic. Charlotte is accustomed to it because of when she was younger, but Talia was just acting like you mentioned. I really love writing Al, so I'm pleased that you think that he's adorable :)

Now that I've read more stories on the site and gotten a few tips about the longer paragraphs, I realize that I really need to work on it. It's part of the reason I haven't updated in a little while. I'm planning on writing longer paragraphs for chapters ten and on and then going back and editing these earlier chapters. Thanks for pointing it out though! You've kind of given me the push I needed to get that going.

Thanks for another really helpful/really touching review!

-Avis12 (Sam)


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