Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Lululuna says:
Hi there, I'm here for your requested review!!

I think this is a good start to a story and was a great way to jump right into the action. I like the character of Andrew especially: he seems like a really nice guy, and it sounds like he has a mischievous little brother as well! Adaila seems to have an interesting character so far: she clearly wants to be a Healer, feels lonely and is rather shy and quiet. I feel so sorry that she would want to jump off the astronomy tower, and hopefully things get better for her!

I liked how Andrew tried to make small talk when walking Adaila back to her room. However, would he not want to try and comfort her, or ask what was wrong? Also, would he perhaps go and tell a teacher that he had nearly seen her jump off the tower? It is a very serious situation: maybe he could make her promise that she wouldn't go back up there that night or something? :)

I quite enjoyed the descriptions of the Hufflepuff common room: it was very original!

One suggestion I have is to develop the story a little more and fill it up by adding some descriptions and memories. I would have liked to know more about what Adaila was thinking. The walk with Andrew from the tower, especially, could have been a bit more detailed. What does Andrew seem to be thinking about Adaila? If they're in the same year, wouldn't they have noticed each other before? Maybe Andrew had seen her in the past and wondered why she was so quiet, or Adaila had seen him with his friends and knew that he was popular and had people gossiping about him. Why is she so sure that he's going to befriend her, does he make a habit of making friends with people who are quiet, or did he express an interest in meeting up with her again? :)

Anyway, good job with this, and I think you do have a really good base for a story here! Hopefully this review proves a bit helpful!! :)

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! Andrew is a very complex character, It's kind hard to explain why without giving anything away. I will more into his character. Thank you so much for reviewing!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 724
Submit Report: