|Review:||Violet Gryfindor says:|
Excellent! This chapter nicely moves the plot along, laying out the conditions under which James moves from a witness (as discoverer of the body) to a detective. The style in this chapter works much better, making this chapter very easy - and fun! - to read. :D
What particularly stands out is that he chooses to become a detective because he feels so much over the death - it has nothing to do with proving himself or inflating his ego, but rather with the connection he formed with the scene in the previous chapter. This is fantastic to see, not only because it places James-as-detective in a more interesting relationship with the case, but also because of its affect on James's characterization. As you mentioned in the McGonagall scene, James has matured into an adult, and with that maturation, he has become someone quite serious and driven to set things right. It shows in the scene with Sirius because, from what I gather, Sirius hasn't yet matured - he still does his homework late and burps in that annoyingly adolescent way. You've placed James in an interesting position - it's not like other portrayals of him that I've seen, and now that he is acting as an amateur detective, I'm interesting in seeing how he handles the case. You've done amazing things with James's character so far, making him refreshing and new, more like the "legend" we catch glimpses of in the books.
The classroom scene was great to see because they're often left out of stories. You don't let us forget that James is still a student and that his time will be taken up by his regular activities (on a side note, being a detective on top of playing Quidditch, taking classes, and being a Marauder will be a challenge!). I liked how poor Slughorn was out of his depth - it suits his character well, and also suits the way that Rowling portrays her teachers as human and flawed. What I'm less certain about is that Lily was laughing at him in a slightly obvious way. Slughorn's memories of Lily don't fit with that kind of behaviour, and while he may have chosen to forget, it still seems cruel for Lily to do that. It's the kind of thing that she dislikes from the Slytherins.
Overall, you've done great work with this story so far! It'll be great to see how the mystery plot develops now that James is ready to start detecting. :D
Author's Response: Hello again!
Whilst he is still growing up, he has matured from his fifth year. He has this great sense of justice instilled within him, and helping out in the case allows him peace of mind. He'd be antsy otherwise- he's not one to let others take the reigns, especially in cases of right and wrong where he feels the need to input. Sirius is a big kid at heart, and even when he's middle aged, we still see him portrayed by Rowling as an impulsive teenager. It would be wrong to write him as 'serious'- no pun intended.
Just because he's a fledgling detective doesn't mean that he can stop with his education ;) Slughorn is this bumbling, rotund and severely annoying man who has his heart in the right place. Him and transfiguration don't seem to go together well... Lily doesn't mean harm; the kindest of people will laugh at things they know are wrong to laugh at. Perhaps I can add in a sentence or two to make it clear that she didn't have any malicious intent.
Once again, thanks for the review, it's really helping me pick out what is needed to be refined :D