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Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there! Just dropping by for team bronze ;)

So, first off, I adore Draco/Astoria. They're such a fascinating couple, because of what we know of Draco and his family - particularly after the war, I think - and the fact that we know virtually nothing about Astoria.

I loved how you characterised both of them throughout this. They were both obviously human, flawed and insecure about things, but at the same time impetuous and clever and learning things along the way. I like that. Your Draco was nice too - it was good to see someone not writing him as a total softie when in love, but also not as a total jerk. He still retained some kind of Malfoy spark, if you know what I mean. And Astoria! With the Killing Curse! Wow! I love that you included that - and that she was shaking from it. Of course she would be, she's just killed someone, and that isn't something most people get over straight away!

The one thing I would mention is that you might want to go through this and edit it with a bit more emphasis on 'show, not tell'. I love the way you've done it - with little sections detailing an important moment - but with emotions and things, don't tell us what they're feeling, show us. Describe facial expressions, gestures, etc. It wouldn't matter too much if you included a little bit more description in general, as well, I think ;)

The style was lovely. I like how simplistic you kept it throughout, as it reflected so nicely on their relationship - that, despite everything, 'they' were easy, you know? It was easy to be 'them' during the war and after, because it made sense. I like that feeling.

I also love the little touches here and there - the mention of the shop having previously belonged to someone else, using Malfoy Manor as a home for orphaned children, Slughorn's parties, etc. It was really, really great. It was just the right amount of detail for the story :)

The mention of supporting characters was great - with Daphne and Blaise and the rest. I loved the inclusion of Lucius and Narcissa. I've read quite a lot of Drastorias and people sometimes forget to include them, or barely include them, so it was nice to see them turn up in this and actually have a part!

Ooh, a quick thing I just remembered: a 'diploma' in England generally means a university degree, so Draco wouldn't have one when he's just leaving school ;) It's a bit fussy, tbh, but I read it a couple of times, not quite sure why he had a degree :)

So yeah, I really enjoyed this! It was succint and really sweet and I loved the characterisation and the style you wrote it in. It made me smile :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: your review just made my day, so thank you :) and thank you so much for the constructive feedback- i will definitely go back and fix things based on your suggestions. thanks so much again for your super amazing review, and I'm really glad that you enjoyed this story!
~M


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