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Review:Lululuna says:
Hello, here for your requested review!

I like how you've expanded on this story from the first chapter, and managed to focus more precisely on a few key characters. Since there are so many at the moment, I think that zoning in on three or so is really effective in creating a strong story that readers can follow. I really liked the focus on Zacharias Smith and how well he was characterized, and am sad that he got eliminated!

Another character I'm really liking is Moaning Myrtle and her friendship with Draco. The part with Pansy was really funny as well, especially the last line. The only thing I'd watch out for with Myrtle is not making her into a Mary-Sue: she must be very intelligent to have beaten Hermione in a history of Hogwarts test, especially considering how much Hermione loves 'Hogwarts, A History!' Also, Myrtle's character in the books is very irritating and immature, so maybe keep an eye out for hinting at that. :)

You asked about description and imagery in your request. I think that adding more physical descriptions, even if it's just small physical qualities of the characters, would help to make this story stronger. You have a good narrative voice, but adding little details and descriptions of the settings and the characters would help polish the story a little more. So far, most of the characters seem to be portrayed very well in accordance with canon, especially Hermione, Zacharias and Pansy.

I think I mentioned this in the last review, but this story is formatted as a kind of reality TV show, right? I think it would be neat if you added in some details showing this: for example, who are the viewers rooting for? Is anyone nervous about being on TV? Are there interviews with the hosts? Something to think about, anyway. :)

I'm excited to see how Hermione will act as the challenges continue, and how she will try to be the best for her own sake and not for her team's. I'm also curious about what other challenges you'll come up with! :)

Author's Response: Hi Lululuna!

Thank you for the review.

I figured that Myrtle was a Ravenclaw, and plus the fact that she is technically older that all the other contestants, and that she, for lack of a better word, lived through more than the others, she would know more, even more than Hermione!

I was thinking of doing either like a separate story, doing a couple blog posts, or just doing a whole chapter dedicated to what the viewers are thinking. What would you recommend?

A couple of my favorite challenges are coming up soon. The next challenge is already up if you are interested in viewing right away.



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