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Review:academica says:
Hi Angie, here from Review Tag!

I like all the emotion laced throughout this chapter. It was nice to see a tender moment between Teddy and Dominique; it's clear that he intends to stand by her and that they care about one another very much. It was also nice to see her surrounded by the support of her mother and sister. It seems a little odd that the revelation of Dominique's sterility would come so out of the blue--as opposed to, say, when she goes to the doctor about wanting to get pregnant or during her initial appointment after the bite--but I liked how it served to break her down even further. It sounds awful to say that, but I can imagine all this suffering being a great catalyst for her to rise from the ashes starting in chapter five.

A couple little nitpicks:

--Sometimes the language you use gives this a little bit of an old world feel, like Dominique is a fragile Victorian lady. I can see how that might have been what you were going for, but it seems to me like the dialogue would flow better if you consistently used contractions instead of spelling everything out word by word (e.g., using 'I'm' in place of I am).

--Fleur's behavior in the revelation scene was slightly confusing. She knew the news was coming, since she delivered it to Dominique, but then she seemed confused after the Healer explained. You might reframe that scene so that Dominique is the only one who doesn't know the details or so that all three Delacour-Weasley women are told at once. This one is probably just a personal issue of mine, though, so it's fine if you really like it the way it is.

As always, I'm interested to see what will happen next. I'm having trouble figuring out what Dominique's decision could be, but things are clearly about to come to a head with the full moon approaching.

Nice work :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing. I always love your feedback so it was great to hear from you. Sorry for the delay in responding!

I am pleased you liked the emotion in the chapter, and you liked the tender moment between Teddy/Dom. Teddy is this really sweet and sensible guy who'll definitely stand by Dom no matter what.

Oh I had actually included a small piece of dialogue in which the Healer is about to say something about Dom's sterility in the hospital but Fleur cuts her off and requests her to inform her of the news later because currently Dom has faced enough shock (about being a werewolf) but I added it later in the Word file and it didn't get saved somehow so when I posted the second chapter it didn't get included. Only another reviewer pointed out the same thing a couple days back and I realised the error, so now I've edited the chapter and added in that dialogue. (I hope all that made sense).

Yes the suffering will definitely help her to regain herself and take some action.

Oh thanks for pointing out about the dialogue. I'll work on it.

Well, I figured that the Healer would have only told Fleur that Dom can't bear children but not the explanation behind it, but now that you mention it, I'll reframe the scene so Dom is the only one confused. Thanks.

Thank you for all your helpful comments. Your reviews always help me improve =)


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