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Review:patronus_charm says:
Aw poor you believing the April Fools! It was very believable though, so I decided to come and back and read and review it again in the RRT!

Again, I really liked Seraphina's personality. It had the right mix of quirky, relatable and slight confidence. So basically, definitely not a Mary-Sue, so let's throw a party for that. One where we don't get pregnant mind!

Ooh yes another thing about that, I know what her name is from reading it before, but it might be a good idea to mention it earlier on, so we don't just view her as 'the MC' but as Seraphina :)

I really liked how she started talking with Albus. It was so cute and I like how though she didn't think he was the best person ever, she didn't hate him so you could see how they ended up the way they did.

I'm glad that you showed that the effects of pregnancy didn't happen straight away. Though I've never been pregnant, I always assumed that it would take a couple of weeks so I found your descriptions of it believable.

I liked that scene with Albus trying to chase after her while she went to the Hospital Wing, it made me laugh a lot. Oh gosh, I can't wait for the reveal scene, it's going to be awkward to say the least!

Kudos that this is told in present tense, but it does make it trickier (IMO anyway :P) I noticed a couple of tense slip ups when you used past instead of present and you may want to review those :)

Another minor thing I spotted was here ' I had replied' you don't need the had, as replied is in the past tense so we already know that :) I noticed it popping up a few other times with dialogue.

Other than a few grammar issues it's an interesting story :)

-Kiana

Author's Response: *sigh* I know, I'm a gullible person, it just never occurred to me that the staff would pull a prank like that. I'll tell you one thing though, I'm not believing anything that happens around the time of April Fools on the forums.

Yes, let's throw a party because Seraphina is not a Mary-Sue (I don't think I'd be able to stand her if she was one and I'd probably be thinking what on earth was wrong with me when I wrote her).

Heheheheh I don't know why but I found that really funny, anyway, I see what you did there!

Moving on.

I can't think of a way to work her name into the story earlier without having to rewrite the entire chapter or something like that, I've been trying to work on it for a while but I don't seem to be getting any ideas of how to work it in there.

Seraphina is kind of neutral when it comes to Albus. she's not in love with him and his "emerald orbs" but she doesn't want to go chasing after him with an ax because she hates him so much. So, yes, like you said, they're neutral.

I've never been pregnant myself but I watch a lot of FRIENDS and it only took Phoebe like a day for the eggs to settle into her uterus or germinate or fertilize (I can't seem to find the proper word to describe it).

I'm going to have fun with the reveal scene, a lot of fun (I've already got the scene where her mother finds out written out).

Thanks for the feedback and for reviewing!


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