Hello, I'm here with your requested review!
I like this story so far, especially the characterisation. Ellie is frank and refreshing, and even though I've only read a little bit about them, you've done a fantastic job breathing life into Your characters. I especially like the way you portray Ellie-instead of saying 'she likes historical romances', you showed us that she liked them with those scenes with Rose. It was refreshing not to be told everything about the character, but shown, so well done on that.
Regulus was very well written, his type of humor had me laughing out loud. I also liked that you used him for some foreshadowing, so I could tell that the plot is going to thicken and frankly, I can't wait for it. I could see the similarity between him and Sirius.
Ellie's gift is very unusual, but believable at the same time. If anything, I would like to have seen how she helped the ghosts that came to her, and her great-gran.
I think that you've used the short sentences well, but I think you may have overused them sligtly, so they are disrupting the flow of your story. It's a very fine line, but generally the short sentences are used for humor or drama, (like you've used them for at the beginning of each chapter) so I think you could cut down on them just a little bit.
I find that the pace of the story is good, not too slow or too fast, so well done on that as well.
I also loved the chatting and bantering that went on between Al and Ellie, and Rose and Ellie, it was fun to read and it lent the story an air of lightheartedness, even though you are dealing with some very heavy stuff in this story. The humor that you used was funny and got several laughs out of me.
However, some of the characters changed their moods really quickly, like Rose in the bookshop or Chris and Ellie at the graveyard-they went from solemn to happy really fast. It just threw me for a little bit, but nothing too serious.
The scene with Madame Cassandra in the opening chapter was very well written, you used her for suspense and foreshadowing, and you did a very good job of it too. Now I can't wait to see the 'danger, suffering and love' she talked about (although I think I know who she's going to love ;D).
In the first chapter, Al and Ellie together were very well written, I could feel their chemistry, and Al wanting that truce-I was just going 'aww' in my head for him then! I like how Al was flirting with Ellie, and she was just clueless. With that scene I got the impression that Al already liked Ellie. Also, Ellie and Chris was good, but I find it hard to believe that he doesn't suspect anything, especially as you didn't paint him as a head-in-the-clouds person, like their dad.
The watch-giving scene was amazing, it didn't just hit Ellie in the feels, it hit me in the feels too. Ginny was really well written, I really got the mother hen side of her. It reminded me of Molly and Harry, actually.
If you made if through all that, I'm giving you a mind cake and an apology for writing so much. I just woke up and I haven't had my tea yet, so that might have something to do with my word vomit.
Overall, I really like this story, and please don't get put off by my much-too-long review.
Author's Response: OMG! HOW CAN YOU EVEN THINK THAT AUTHORS DON'T READ LONG REVIEWS! IT'S WHAT WE LIVE AND BREATHE FOR (ASIDE FROM THE ACTUAL WRITING)! THIS IS AN AMAZING REVIEW, ON LENGTH ALONE!
Wow! You read both chapters! You didn't have to, and you still did! Thank you so much! As Ellie is the main character, I really want people to like her. I don't read very many stories where I don't like the main character, so I'm glad to hear that you do!
Regulus' humour is my humour on a good day. His stuff is actually the easiest and most fun to write! He's a supporting character, so I really wanted him to be someone that I enjoyed writing as an author, so I would want to write him as much as humanly possible! And to me, Sirius and Regulus are birds of a feather!
I struggled with that aspect of my story, actually. I write lighthearted stuff best, but I really wanted to write about deep things, too, so I wasn't sure if it would be a good move to combine the two together! I'm really glad that you think it's working well so far!
I'll try to temper Rose's mood swings - thanks for pointing that out, by the way; I hadn't noticed it felt like that! With Ellie, however, the mood swing was completely intentional. It's one of her character quirks, where she can switch between emotions really quickly - or at least, likes to pretend that she can!
I think everyone has a bit more than an inkling about the "love" aspect about that line! Although, I'm enjoying the irony, that she thinks it's the "suffering" part - although, you never know, it could be!
Ellie is completely clueless when it comes to Albus, and you'll see that more as the story comes along. I don't want to say too much about them, but you're right in that Albus knows where they're gonna go, and Ellie's just like "I still don't like you". And you picked up on that about Chris! Yay! It's explored later.
Aww! I hope the feels weren't too badly battered! I wanted to bring a bit of emotional balance into the chapter! The first half is super fun, but I wanted to show this other side to the story. Ginny is totally inspired by Molly, so I'm super psyched that you picked up on that!
Thank you so much again for this lovely review! First of all, you read both of my chapters, and second, you left this super-long, super-detailed review, which was super helpful and super nice and super awesome! Keep the super up, you super reviewer!
And enjoy your tea!