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Review:ChaosWednesday says:
Tag!

This seems like an interesting idea that can offer a lot of room to experiment. I, personally, can't get enough stories about magic, and this one promises to introduce us to new wizarding mythology and maybe a different type of magic? Fun!

I really feel for Rose - being a Weasley must be so exhausting. I liked how you characterized her here: "Her hair fell in front of her eyes, momentarily obscuring her vision. She hated her hair. The infamous Weasley hair. It made her even more indistinguishable amongst the mass of her family. She had always sworn she would dye it; anything would be better than being a ginger. Yet, as much as she wanted to show she was an individual there was always that part of her which held her back, so the red stayed." I find that you illustrated the problematic of individual freedom of thought vs. heritage very well here. And you indicated that she has not given up on greatness yet!

If I were to offer any CC, then it would be that you could use a tad less "telling" and a bit more "showing" in the overall narrative, especially for a first chapter. For example this part didn't make it easy for the reader to feel into the story, because it's a list of facts we haven't "seen" yet: "It just wasnít impressive by her familyís standards. They were all high-achievers, so if Rose wanted to match their levels of success she had to work twice as hard."

Overall, great start to what promises to be an excting and original story!

Author's Response: Hey there!

I think that's the reason why I decided to write it. I love Harry Potter, Egypt and history and bam all those things combined will hopefully be good!

I'm glad that you liked Rose's characterisation as it's kinda different to how she's usually depicted, but I figured it would be more fun to show her as the Weasley who isn't as sucessful and more of an individual.

I have that issue a lot, and I always end up falling into that trap one way or another. I'll definitely review the chapter and make it more 'showing' :D

Thank you for this great and useful review!

-Kiana


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