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Review:Lululuna says:
Hi, here from review tag!

I like this story so far, especially the character of Ellie. She seems down to earth and funny, and I also enjoyed the special talent she has to see ghosts. It's a unique idea and has a lot of potential for awesome shenanigans!!

You did a good job of setting up the story with the Great-grandmother at the beginning, but not lingering too much on Ellie's childhood. I felt like it was just the right length and density to show what she would have been like as a kid, especially the line about being different from her twin brother. I think that set up the rest of the chapter very well. I would have liked a little more detail about whether she sees more ghosts, or has seen her GG since. :)

I liked the interaction between Ellie and Albus, they seem to have a cute and quirky little hatred going on. I would have liked to know why exactly they hate each other so much: did something happen in the past? Do their personalities just clash? But I'm sure you'll get into that in later chapters.

I really like your writing style of short paragraphs and sentences, and it works especially well for Ellie's stream of consciousness. One thing you might want to watch out for though is writing in that style during dialogue. When Rose and Ellie were bantering it got a little confusing, so maybe framing that with descriptions or even just "I reply scathingly..." or "Rose cried out" might make it a bit clearer! :) You do a really good job of giving your characters life otherwise!! :) I look forward to which ghost Ellie will encounter next, and how she'll be able to help them or not!

Author's Response: Hello!

I hope the talent is unique enough! The romance sub-plot is a tired one, so I'm trying to make this story as fun and engaging and fresh as possible in other ways! It's great to hear that you like Ellie already!

That flashback scene was really weird to write. I didn't really know what five-year-olds thought like, but I'm glad to hear that it went okay.

The reason for their, um, relationship with each other is explored a little later on in the story. I felt it was too early to reveal that particular bit of information.

Haha, yeah. The dialogue is a little hard to follow, so I'll be sure to work on that for later chapters. Thanks for the suggestion!

And I think you'll like the next ghost she meets...


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