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Review:True Author says:
Hi! I'm here to review the entry for my challenge. =]

I liked the idea of this story. A person going away from everything they love here happily is something I've never read here. The happiness was nicely written, though it had a touch of sadness to it. I loved your descriptions too- they were beautifully written.

Oh, the ending!! =[ It breaks my heart to see poor James... He wants to save her and he can't- that's so sad. The idea of the sun setting down was a clever one.

But I thought that your last few paragraphs can be a bit better. You've described your OC's emotions in the first few paragraphs perfectly, but you are not giving enough time to James I think. I couldn't understand why he was laughing and bouncing with her a minute before and then he was crying? I think that you could give a touch of sadness to James before the crying part. I also thought that "I tell him I love him" should be replaced by a dialogue like "I love you," I whispered etc. =]

Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this. Well done! =] Oh and thanks for your participation in the Single Emotion Challenge. =]

Ashwini

Author's Response: Hi Ashwini!!!

Thank you so much!!! I'm glad you liked it. I've never read anything similar as well, so it was something that I wanted to definitely write sometime, and your challenge was just the perfect opportunity!!

Thank you so much for your CC!! I totally understand where you are coming from. I actually wrote this quite last minute, so i wasn't really concerned about making it perfect, as to getting it in as soon as I could. But thank you so much!!! Now that I read it, I myself can see that the second half of it needs some work ;)

I will definitely use your advice, and improve it very soon :) Thank you for such a great challenge!!! I really enjoyed it :D

Thank you for the challenge, and for such a lovely and helpful review :)
- Abhi


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