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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hello, Elphaba here with your requested review.

The first thing I noticed in this chapter is your great use of descriptive words, especially the sense of touch: "My finger trailed along the vane of my quill letting the barbs brush past. The Anti-cheating quills provided were always very scratchy and blunt." I love to see sensory details like this. :)

There are also some occasional moments with awkward phrasing that I might change, like this one: "My mind wandered boundless." Is his mind boundless? Or is its wandering boundless? I might rephrase this as "My boundless mind wandered..." or "My mind wandered boundlessly."

Here is another example of something I might tweak: "Falling back into boredom I returned to my parchment sitting in front of me wondering how slow time moved."
I think commas or a period could be used to break this thought up, and instead of "... how slow time moved" I might try "...how time could move so slowly."

In the scene at the lake, I really enjoyed your description of James with the snitch, "like a giant holding a tiny little person." It's something that I never would have thought of, and it is entirely fitting.

My favorite scene in this chapter is James and Lily studying together in the common room. Your describe the setting in way that I could clearly picture it, and their dialog feels natural. I think this is the most well-written section of the chapter.

"If you didn't exist, he'd still be my friend." -- Wow, I wasn't expecting Lily's anger at the end, but I like that she didn't give in to his charms so easily, even after studying together all night. :)

Sorry for my tardiness with this review! I will definitely be back to review more chapters very soon. :)

Author's Response: Hi dear! Thank you so much for coming by to review! I'm so sorry about taking forever to respond. I just needed the time to sit down and type out a thanks.
Firstly I'm really thrilled that you like the sensory detail. It's hard to get the balance between just enough and overzealous, so thank you for that! And also thank you for all the tips on sentence construction, I shall be mindful of it in the future.
I'm really glad you liked their 'studying scene', I wanted it to be a little heartfelt.
Thanks again for the review :) I'm glad you liked it.


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