|Review:||Toujours Padfoot says:|
Hello there! Here with your review. :) Omgah, you brought me TOM RIDDLE. ♥ I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Asdfskjdfkf, you write Tom so wonderfully well. I love the way he taunts Ginny, pulling at her strings in all the right ways, the well-placed reminder of Fred and George not not letting her play Quidditch so that she would lash out at them.
Your descriptions are ermagherd. I must repeat my favorites.
...through all the concealed dimensions folded into the thickness of a piece of paper. Air surged past and the shapes of things became long blurred streaks of themselves. It felt as though she was speeding through stone halls and corridors and doorways and through crowds of people; their voices were spikes of sound in her ears as she passed
TEACH ME YOUR WAYS. I cannot imagine a more perfect combination of words to describe the sensation of falling into a book.
It was Ron's Shooting Star and it crawled through the air rather than flew but still, it was such a strange sensation, enveloped in space, her feet becoming limp fish, useless without the ground.
soupy streaks of sunlight
The smell of the Dungbombs with chicken carcasses and armpit sweat - I just love that. Pretty descriptions are great, of course, but I love it when authors are brave enough to describe things that aren't so pretty. A lot of people would shy away from evoking images of dead, bloated chickens, but you went for it and as a result your writing is satisfyingly well-rounded to me. The ugly descriptions and the descriptions of nicer things, all written in a way that makes my jaw drop.
You mentioned concerns about Pince and the Weasley twins and how canon they were/whether they were evolutions of canon or just sitting there on the surface, and I honestly think you wrote them stupendously. Fred and George were their usual joking selves, but we did catch a slip of apprehension fall through the cracks when Ginny yelled at them and threw her book and ink. They kind of slunk away as though mildly hurt; they're not used to being rejected in any kind of way at Hogwarts because everyone loves them. The way Ginny behaved seemed to embarrass them on some level because they turned around and dropped Dungbombs - either to overcorrect and act like nothing is amiss, or to unconsciously punish Ginny by clouding her in that foul smell. Whatever their intentions, it exposes the truth that other people's words really do affect them, even if they try to laugh it off.
You definitely built on Irma's character. She was perfectly in-canon, but opened up a little more. Three-dimensional. I liked every background detail you gave us about her personality, her childhood, her memories of Hogwarts tainted with too much noise, the blurs of children and chaos rampant. She must have some severe sort of obsessive compulsive disorder. It's no wonder she was drawn to the ultra-organized, everything-has-its-place, quiet, enclosed library. When she returned to her sanctuary I felt almost like a peace had settled over her, the world righting itself again. Meanwhile, Ginny was still lurking at the edges, body language disturbing, half-crazed. I cannot imagine the horrors of having Tom Riddle inside your head, but 'tooth in a brain' is quite apt. And forcing Pince to watch Myrtle get killed by the basilisk! It's so evil! Argsdkj, the bulbous sulfur-colored eyes, Myrtle's facial features popped wide open... *shudder*
This really made me think about Ginny in a new angle. We know a little about what it was like for Harry to have a connection to Voldemort, and that sort-of possession, and he dealt with that pretty badly when he wasn't truly being possessed at all. On top of that, he had friends to help him cope. If Ginny had any friends, she didn't any close enough to share her burden with. She bared her soul all year long to a diary that was destroying her, and no one even noticed.
And that makes me incredibly sad.
She was so lonely that even though the diary was doing such awful things to her, and making her do awful things, she continued battling with it. The guilt she must have suffered, and the broken trust of learning Riddle wasn't her friend, the paranoia that would accompany it, and the isolation - it's all evident in your writing here, between the lines. It forges a connection between Ginny and Irma, who is also isolated.
As for one of your concerns about choppiness, I didn't find any choppiness in the first section at all. I thought it flowed quite smoothly.
Fabulous story, teh! Keep bringing me gems. ♥
Author's Response: no teach me YOUR ways :P I would love to be able to build up haunted castles full of prowling psychopaths!
So the reason I requested you to read this fic was the ending of the second chapter of Devil's Snare. It had the diary and the unicorn blood in it and I was omg so excited that I went to request.
Tom Riddle in this fic is nowhere near as complex or brooding or handsome as your Mr. Riddle; he's basically a bully. A mean petty bully who's currently preying on an 11 year old girl. And ah, Ginny. Ginny's usually a lot more resilient than this, but she /has/ been possessed by Voldemort for quite a long time - several months of being in his power, of slipping in and out of a trance doing his bidding - who knows, perhaps she's even been inside the diary as well, being made privy to Tom's awful secrets. Tom pretty much has full control of her by this point; she hears his voice in her head and he doesn't even need her writing in the diary to communicate with her. And she's certainly a lot tenser, angrier, more frightened, spiteful - kinda like Ron in DH when he was influenced by the Horcrux to turn on Harry & Hermione in the forest. Hence Ginny's outburst at Fred and George.
Glad you liked the descriptions ♥ My descriptions are usually describing things as they appear, physically and literally, without much figurative language. The chicken carcasses were easy, because Ginny was something of a serial rooster killer in CoS. It was the armpit sweat that made me want to cry and NOT write.
And Irma certainly does sound like she has some kind of OCD. She's rigorous and well, librarianly, but probably has an extreme devotion to mostly inanimate objects, mainly books. I would think she liked ordering and cataloguing books so much because it gave her a certain sense of control, though by the end she realises how little control she really has in her own private little world of the library. I thought I would show that with the Monster Book of Monsters attacking her ^.^
Gaaah thanks for this absolutely wonderful review, Sarah ♥