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Review:Lululuna says:
Hello, here from review tag! :)

This is such a great start to your story and made me laugh out loud on several accounts. Harry is portrayed perfectly: I love how awkward he is with James, how he's always saying "er," and how he melts like butter when Lily asks him for anything. It's exactly how I would picture him as a dad. Also, the opening lines were just hilarious: how much Harry fears what lurks in his own home, despite the fact that he's, well, Harry Potter!!! I absolutely loved it.

James is hilarious: I hope for Harry's sake that Ginny renews her subscription! It would be great too if you added what James loves so much about the magazine, like if there's a specific story or hair products column or what not that he's following.

And poor Albus! I don't blame him for getting upset, finding out about Santa is a traumatizing experience for any kid! Out of curiosity, how old are the kids here? I'm guessing around 13-16, but it was a bit unclear.

I spotted a couple places where the structure or language could be cleaned up a bit:
"He waved the wand, muttering a spell and immediately the lights turned on in the hallway instantly brightening it." could be: "He waved his wand and muttered a spell. Immediately the hallway lights turned on and the space was instantly brighter."
"He wasn't quite the genius that Albus scarily was, so sometimes he needed all the gentle nudging and threatening to do his work that Harry and Ginny could provide." could be: "While Albus had turned out to be a frighteningly unexpected genius, James needed all the gentle nudging and threatening that the Potter parents could provide."

These are just examples, but a little bit of fine-tuning would polish up your lovely story and make it an even smoother read.

Great job with this, and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter and reading more about the wild exploits of the Potters! :)

Author's Response: Heya! Sorry it's taken me so long to reply to this, but I am replying now! :D

I'm glad that it made you laugh, I'm so worried that people won't find the story funny.
Thank you, I wanted to try and make him a bit lost at what to say to make situations better, and he's definitely wrapped around Lily's finger. I'm so glad that you like the opening lines as well :D

I will definitely add what's so great about the subscription into the story, in fact it's going into the fourth chapter. The magazine shall be returning!

The kids are teenage. I should really write that in, I don't know why I haven't. James is about 16 Albus is 15 and Lily is 13.

Thank you for pointing them out, I shall edit them in. I really appreciate the help, I'm normally in a rush to post so I end up missing things and not going back to edit, so you're a big help! :D

Thank you for the tips :D

Thank you so much, I hope that you continue to enjoy the story, thanks once again for reading and reviewing.


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