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Review:MargaretLane says:
You're pretty good at description. I'm not, so that does impress me. You've set the scene very well at the beginning of this story and also managed to give an insight into Molly's character by showing how much she focusses on Victoire's fashion sense.

Yeah, 20 is young to get married, but if they've been dating for 4 years, I think they should know if they want to be together or not. And breaking up for two weeks is more of a row than a real break-up. So I think she's overreacting somewhat. Though of course there's probably more to this I'm not aware of.

Ah, yeah, that makes sense, if she feels they are not mature enough. I wonder if she has reason to believe that or if she is just freaked out at the idea of her cousin marrying so young. It's possible she just feels way too young to marry herself and therefore thinks her cousin is too.

I think she's treating Noah badly. There's no such thing as "standing by her on this" because she doesn't get to have a "side". It's not her decision whether or not they should be married and he is perfectly entitled to have a different opinion. It would be different if it were an issue that concerned her and she wanted his support, but this is just a matter of her opinion and just because he's dating her, he doesn't have to have the same one.

When she's at the wedding and reflecting on her conversation with Noah, you've written that he said he loved her for the first time in their "relationshi". You left out a "p".

I've a feeling there's some reason Molly is so cynical about relationships, something we'll learn as the story progresses.

You've said "the Potter's must have slightly tampered with it", when it should be "the Potters". You only need an apostrophe if you're talking about something belonging to the potter.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for coming over to review! :)

Believe me, I am no believer in Molly's ideals about marriage. Well, I do think 20 is too young, but I wouldn't throw a fit over it like she does. A lot of the purpose of this chapter is to set a fall-out between Noah and Molly because really, no one else will have a relationship focus. Not a deep one such as theirs that I can think of right now anyway. There are relationships, don't get me wrong, but I wanted to capture this relationship in the beginning so the readers would have something to root for/despise in the beginning other than the actual plot of the story.

Yeah, I realized the relationship misspelling right after I sent it in with edits and had it re-validated. I just got twelve or more chapters back from editing mistakes, so I'll give the validaters a bit of a break for a while ;).

The "Potter's" thing must have been a typo. Sorry I didn't catch that, I'll be sure to when I edit the chapter again for "relationshi". :)

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a review! It's good to know where you stand on Molly's behalf!


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