Hey! It's Whiskey from the formus!
I found this to be wonderfully written. Although I'm no fan of weddings, I found this one to be interesting to follow nevetheless. You used the situation well to introduce the characters and their main conflicts.
Molly is definitely someone I can associate with! Not everyone feels that they can sum up their feelings with a simple "I love you", after all. I wonder what has made her so careful and rational, or whether that is just part of her character.
I must admit I was hoping for more "rising dark lord" right from the start :P But I understand why you would choose to take your time, and it's most likely better to ease into the story more gradually, especially a story of global proportions.
I enjoyed the level of detail you use to set the scene and establish the mannerisms of the characters. If I could offer some advise, though, then I'd suggest that you focus on the surroundings as much as on the people. Although it may not seem very interesting to describe rooms, sometimes a few sentences can go a long way to inspire the imagination of the reader :) But this is really a minor thing and I hope you don't take it as a critique of your style. I really did find the text to be nicely paced and descriptive.
A few more comments:
I found this bit to be a bit confusing: Molly knew when her thoughts were wanted and unwanted. Were you trying to hint at the way sometimes people don't want to hear what is good for them?
Also, this: some romantic Disney princess deal bothered me a tad, since Disney is clearly part of Muggle culture and not of wizarding culture. I'm sure there is some wizarding equivalent. Harry Potter is so much fun to read precisely due to the minor details that define the magical world and set it appart from the world we are used to.
And one more tiny detail would be the POV jumps between Mlly and Noah. While both his and her views are well described and allow the reader to connect with each character's feelings, a novel is not like a film, and it can be confusing to skip from mind to mind so quickly.
I liked this very much and I hope to find time to come back and find out more about this new Dark Lord ;)
Author's Response: Hey, Whiskey! Thanks for such a speedy response! I was just headed to your one-shot right after I finished submitting chapter eight for this fic! :)
I've actually never been to a wedding (besides the one my parents had when I was half a year old lol). So, I wouldn't know if they were my cup of tea. But I sort of based this off a few movies I've seen. I actually had a big problem using a wedding to introduce everyone because in my past, I always use some big event to get everyone introduced. Parties, births, and the likes you know? But you're right, it does get the job done in introducing everyone. :)
I sort of just adapted it to her type of character. Though I do believe Percy changed after the war, I can't help but think that some of his old ways were passed down to his eldest daughter due to the fact that he is still the same Ministry sort of person who took years to find a woman he could love.
Well, while there are hints here and there about a new dark lord, I must admit that it really doesn't delve into it until chapter seven. After that though, there's loads of it everywhere ;). So I cross my fingers that you can stick with it for the long run!
Thank you for bringing this re-occurring problem up! I've always asked people what they think about my settings, and they always say it's fine, but I'm always afraid that I focus far too much on the people, and not enough of where they are. Of course I know the details in my head and can imagine exactly where everyone is sitting, but because I know, sometimes it escapes me to actually mention it in the story. I promise to try to work on this more!
What I meant by her knowing when her thoughts were wanted and unwanted was just a way of her trying to calm herself down a bit without starting a bit of an argument. It doesn't work, obviously, but she tries to keep a level head at times.
Funny you mention the Disney princess bit, because that's an edit from a previous version that also made no sense. I just couldn't think of anything that Molly would reference her to, and I didn't want to get into much detail on describing something made up at the moment. Maybe I'll fix that sometime down the road ;).
Uh-oh... If you don't like the POV jumps now, you may or may not like the rest of the story. I got the idea off of a very popular fic I read years ago that did the same thing. I loved getting into the heads of a lot of characters, so I adapted it for this story. I try to break it with the ~~~ so you know when there is a character switch, but the jumps are sort of what makes this story for me. :/ I hope they get better for you to adapt to them!
I'm glad you liked it and I hope that I don't lead you astray as you get (if you wish to continue that is) further along! :) I'm going to finish vamping up chapter eight and then head over to your one-shot! :) Thank you so much for the lovely review!