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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey Aisha Iím here with your third review :)

Haha I take liberties with their ages too, and it was fun to include Narcissa into the story. Even though it was slightly strange at first to her wanting to help the others out, at the same time it seemed to work and I can imagine her joining their little crew of detectives. I canít wait to see how the dynamics of the group change with her being there.

Ooh so we get the Coronerís Report and it is the lead piping which did it. Ah Iím really loving this murder mystery, and I have read some before which try and include different elements into the story, but they never seem to work as well. Whereas you concentrate fully on them solving the mystery and it works so much better.

I really liked that scene with Dumbledore and James it was really well done, and I can imagine that their relationship would have been like that. You got the right balance of formality as itís a student-teacher relationship, but then the closeness due to James being head boy. I think my favourite moment of that scene was when James swore as Dumbledoreís reaction to it, was so him.

Ah Snape is evil! How dare he cause an argument between James and Lily. I really liked that scene too, and I can imagine that Snape would react it to it like that, it fitted his malicious nature he had back then. Of course he would do so to make James look bad in front of Lily. Her reaction to it was great too, and it was nice to see that even though her and Snape werenít friends anymore she still had some loyalties towards him, as I believe that would have been the case.

The only thing I can say to improve is your grammar when dialogue is involved. Like here for example Ė ĎďHonestly James? I have no idea.Ē Dumbledore admitted.Ď it should be a break after the idea, as the next part of it is attached to the dialogue, and here ĎďBye Sir,Ē He smiled,í the smiled isnít related to it so you need a period not a break. I also noticed that when you included a break you capitalised the next thing, which you donít need to do. Itís easy to slip up on, but easy to fix to so it isnít something major :D

Overall it was another really good chapter!

-Kiana

Author's Response: I love writing Narcissa! She's just such an interesting character to write because she's a Slytherin and she doesn't have to worry about honour and rubbish, she can be as manipulative as she wants :P It is strange... but this is a strange event ;)

This mystery has consumed the characters and I wouldn't be able to write them doing any other major things whilst there's a killer loose. I mean, come on, if I was in Cluedo, then I don't think I'd be able to eat or sleep until I caught the criminal :P

I wanted Dumbledore's relationship to James to be similar to Dumbledore's relationship to Harry, but not the same ;)

He he, Snape is a bad guy! He's so twisted- he allowed himself to get ruffed up just so he could destroy Lily's image of James as a good guy. Lily's feelings towards Snape are very much mixed- I don't think she loves him, but he was her best friend for years and that kind of relationship is hard to turn your back on.

Yeah, my dialogue is something that I need to work on! I haven't got around to editing everything accordingly as it's something I've been told in reviews that I've been doing wrong. I had no idea though! When I have the time, it'll be sorted out ;)

Thanks again for another review!


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