Hey Aisha Iím here with your second review!
I really liked the Hansel and Gretel analogy, Iíve always wondered how people managed to solve crimes in such a short time frame and the use of that analogy described it perfectly. I really liked that scene with Lily and James too. Iím glad that you didnít go fluff and romance overload as that would clash with the idea of the story as mysteries arenít romance focused. We still got an idea of their relationship and how they cared for one another which was great.
I spotted minor thing here ĎToo many questions, too many theories-Ď I think there should be a space between theories and Ė and it was done again here ĎWith a swish of his wand, a door down the corridor creaked noisily open-Ď it was a really minor thing and I wouldnít bother changing it unless you plan on editing the entire chapter.
I really liked the humorous relationship you developed between Sirius and James, it was just them really. They seemed so keen to go out and investigate everything and find out the cause of this murder you almost wanted to go in and help them. I liked the reference to the Hollywood films and how their investigation differed as it showed what you think things may be like it often doesnít turn out to be the case.
I loved the descriptions of Remus being the scientist they fit my mental image of him perfectly. I can just imagine them all sitting there in awe of his scientific abilities, in fact, I was sitting in awe with them as Iíve always wanted to be like that but I wouldnít know where to start. And you were nice to Peter and kindly phrased he would be more of a hindrance rather than a help.
You could get a sense of the drama with all the houses sitting with one another as it reminded me of the battle of Hogwarts. I really liked how enthusiastic Dumbledore was about the dandruff being found, it would only be him to have such a reaction to it. It also means that weíre one step closer to finding out who the attacker is and I canít wait to find out!
Author's Response: Hello again!
I love Hansel and Gretel, we did it in primary school for the Christmas play and I was Gretel :P But traces left behind by killers are like bread, they aren't there forever and you have to be quick. There's an American TV show that my cousin got me started on when I was out there for 2 weeks, called 48 hours. It's basically about the first 48 hours after a major crime has been committed, and if you don't apprehend your suspects before those 48 hours are up, your chances of catching your criminal decrease dramatically.
I love Jily! Their relationship isn't 'sappy' or 'cute', it's a deep love for one another. But James and Lily don't strike me as characters that will display their feelings towards each other. Sure, James might have asked out Lily a billion times, but he's never seriously sat down with her and talked about his feelings for her because in my eye, he's scared of rejection.
I'll definitely check that out, thanks for highlighting that out to me! I'm sure I'll edit this some day so I'll be onto that :D
Oh, the bromance! If they didn't have their innate humour, then one, this story would be too dark for anybody's liking and two, I don't think their characters would be able to cope. Hollywood murder mysteries can be clich√É¬©, but this is not ;)
There had to be a scientist of the group, and it sure as hell isn't going to be James, Sirius or Peter. The four of them will make a fabulous CSI unit, with Remus in the lab, James and Sirius in the field and Peter, just being Peter. It was really hard to be nice to him, but he's not a traitor just yet, so I had to be nice to him, the filthy rat :P
Dumbledore excited about dandruff, it does seem right ;) One step closer, but nowhere near finding out the killer's identity!
Thanks for the review Kiana :D