Okay I actually have a huge love for Charlieís lists. Haha. Theyíre fun. Sheís such a sweet girl, and watching her and James together feels so cute. A million times more natural than him and Tori, thatís for sure. I really liked the way she was embarrassed by Fredís comments, also. You do an awesome job keeping her character consistent!
Those badges are so ridiculous. I would be tempted to start ripping them off of people if I was Charlie.
Oh the scene in the classroom is steamy! See, I like that he still does stuff like this and doesnít totally change now that heís with a new girl. Though itís clear things wonít go nearly as fast as they did with Tori.
The train ride back is, for the most part, adorable. Obviously there was that moment of tension with Albus, but I still canít feel too terrible for them. I hate what he did to James, but at the same time itís understandable how it probably felt to have Tori coming onto him. ugh. I donít know. Iím all torn between if Iím angry at Albus or angry at James for still being angry at Albus and why do you have to make me care about these characters so much?! Haha!
I love Fred teasing James for their money. I do hope we get to see the Potterís though, because right now Iím kind of sad to think about Harry and Ginny being too busy to pick up the boys. Although you canít really blame them both for having busy careers, and itís not like Albus and James are young children or anything.
Hahahahah I love Charlieís mum. James and Fred chorusing, We love you darling! Was just the cherry on top for me. That was a moment I wish so much was on film or something haha.
The Potters have a dog! I love that that was included in the note to Charlie, because it brings back the happy family feeling I was missing. Charlieís holiday seems really average so far, which I love.
Okay Iím skipping ahead (not in the story, just the review) because Iím afraid this is getting way too long. I loved the glimpse into everyoneís holiday, though. The interaction between Albus and Charlie was so odd... I canít wait to find out whatís behind that. He didnít seem... I donít know, like he was trying to rub in that James didnít invite her over or anything. I canít figure out what he meant by it! Want to give me just a tiny hint? ;)
Awesome chapter, my dear! I noticed a few things, I hope you donít mind me pointing them out:
*NEWTS is punctuated as N.E.W.T.s in the book
*Semicolons are only used to separate two dependent clauses or to separate the items of a list IF they include a comma. For example, f youíre listing city and state it would be: Iíve been to New York City, New York; Sacramento, California; Nashville, Texas... and so on. If the items donít include a comma, the semicolon wouldnít be correct. So this:
--James gently kisses the left side of my face; my forehead, my nose my chin
Should be punctuated as either:
--James gently kisses the left side of my face, my forehead, my nose, my chin
--James gently kissed me: my face, my forehead, my nose, my chin
*Lastly, this chapter had a lot more paragraphs whereas your others were spread more apart. I REALLY like this style over how the last few have been. I havenít commented on the lack of paragraphs before, because this is your story and everyone should do whatever style they like best, but now that youíve done more paragraphs in this one I just thought Iíd point out how much I like them ;)
Author's Response: Gah, I am so annoyed with myself! I had typed out a big long response and then somehow pressed a button which made it all disappear! Ugh! And now, because I super lazy this is probably going to be a very short response.
First of all, thank you so much for the lovely long review! I always really appreciate them. And it's funny you mention the paragraphing because recently I have been going back and editing earlier chapter for that exact reason: to make sentences into paragraphs. I've found, after reading other amazing stories on here (like yours:p) that that makes for a far easier read.
Albus always acts pretty strange! But we will be finding out the reason for his strangeness during his meeting with Charlie in the next chapter, I promise.
Charlie's mum is definitely a strange character! It's a wonder, what with her parents, she turned out so almost normal! And I always love writing Fred's appearances in this story - he is such a fun character!
Thanks again for the review, I'll be sure to edit those mistakes - I've always been useless at grammar. I probably should have paid more attention in English.