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Review:nott theodore says:
This chapter was much better as far as presentation was concerned! Breaking up the long paragraphs into shorter ones really does make it easier for the reader to follow.

I felt quite sorry for the Malfoys here, especially seeing Astoria with her little baby Scorpius. I can definitely imagine that Lucius would have been prepared to give information on his fellow Death Eaters in order to save his own skin, since he couldn't pretend he'd been good all along like last time. Calling him the next Karkaroff in the first chapter seems quite appropriate now that we know how much help he has been to the ministry.

Here we have the problem of the all-knowing reader; I'm screaming at the screen for Ron not to discount Selwyn, because of course I know that he's behind it. But Ron and Harry don't know what the reader knows, and so we have to watch them make mistakes that our knowledge could help them avoid.

I enjoyed some of the back story you gave here on the various Death Eaters and the way the Auror department had hunted them down. I also like the inclusion of familiar names working alongside Harry, although I think that there can be a danger of assuming everyone who was in the DA went on to be an Auror, which I believe to be highly improbable.

Your description of Teddy was quite cute, and I really enjoy the family scenes. Harry had a very difficult upbringing and has an extremely dangerous and stressful job, so it's important for both him and the reader to have these moments of calm with the family.

There are still quite a lot of grammar and spelling errors here, and I really would suggest that you consider getting a beta for your story. I've noticed the misspelling of some terms from the books, such as 'the Flu network' should be the Floo network.

Overall, a good chapter and I like the way this story is developing.

nott theodore :)

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