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Review:nott theodore says:
I like the way you are developing your plot in this story. It's enjoyable to see Harry and Draco working alongside each other rather than against each other, and highlights the fact that they really have matured.

The glitch with the glass orb is really interesting. I realised that some sort of charm must have been put on it, but wasn't sure which one exactly. Did the enchanter also have a way of preventing the orb from seeing them, or forgetting that it had seen them? I'd have liked some more explanation on why Lucius wasn't on holiday with the others. I suspect it is because he was under house arrest and the others aren't, but I'm not entirely sure.

I like the inclusion of the life-debt at the end of the chapter, but I felt you didn't really do it justice. Lumped in with the massive paragraph, it's easy to read through quickly without getting the full impact of it.

I also think that, aside from the presentation problems, you could improve the flow of this story. For example, as your opening sentence you could write:
Approaching the manor, Draco went ahead to open the door and Harry pulled the other two back slightly.
Do you see how that flows better without the repetition and listing of names? You go on to mention both Naomi and Emily several more times in the chapter so it isn't imperative that you use their names in the opening sentence.

I do think you have a good idea here and are developing your plot well, but there's a lot of room for improvement.

nott theodore :)

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