|Review:||nott theodore says:|
I've actually been meaning to try and follow you in the review tag for a while, but kept missing out, so I couldn't let this opportunity go!
This is a really strong start to your story. Although I've read a lot of next gen, it does seem really different to anything I've read, so that's caught my interest straight away. Your descriptions are very powerful, too, and I love your use of pathetic fallacy - it's one of my favourite literary devices.
I thought your characterisation was very good here, and Dominique's personality came through especially well. She seems like a strong young woman, and yet I enjoyed the way you detailed her fear of werewolves. It seems very realistic that, having grown up looking at the scars marking her father's face, she would be instilled with a fear - almost a respect - for werewolves now.
As she was packing up her things, I felt a definite sense of urgency to her actions as she tried to get out before the time was up. I was really pulled into this story - willing Dominique not to open the door, and for her to move and somehow defend herself against the wolf. Of course, that would have ruined the plot for the whole story, so I'm interested to see how she will cope with her own transformations now.
Also, can I just say how glad I am that this story (so far) doesn't involve a Teddy-Victoire-Dominique love triangle? I've seen so many of them and they're really hard to write well, plus I often struggle to find them believable.
I just noticed a few things in your phrasing at times that didn't seem entirely natural as I read them. It's not necessarily incorrect (in fact, it might just be me being dense because of my tiredness) but I think events normally befall a person. I'm sure you can use the verb alone as well, but the former is more common, I think. I was also a bit confused as to what you meant with "she was a Ravenclaw, not a Gryffindor and it was only acceptable.". What exactly is only acceptable? (Like I said, this is probably me being dense because of tiredness, so I wouldn't really worry about it!)
I really liked your chosen setting, as well. Cannock Chase Forest sounds like it has magical connections of some sort, and I could definitely imagine it being used in the books.
Overall, a very good start to your story, and I really enjoyed it. I hope I get a chance (or time!) to carry on reading and reviewing.
nott theodore :)
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.
I am pleased that you found this a strong start to my story, and different from other next-gen stories. I worked a lot on my descriptions so I am glad you liked them. Pathetic fallacy is one of my favourite literary devices too, I absolutely love using it!
I am glad you like Dom's characterisation, and you found her fear mingled with respect for werewolves as realistic, that was my aim =)
Its great to hear that you could feel the urgency of the situation, and that you were pulled into the story. Such compliments! I hope you're satisfied with the way she deals with stuff in further chapters.
Haha yes, it doesn't involve a Teddy-Vic-Dom love triangle. It is centred around Teddy/Dom only. More on their relationship in further chapters!
Thanks a lot for pointing out about the awkward phrasing. I am not a native-english-speaker so I tend to make silly mistakes at times. I'll re-read and see what I can do. The sentence you mentioned was connected with the previous one - about her not being brave. Her fear was only acceptable since she was a Ravenclaw and not a Gryffindor =) I'll try to rephrase and see if I can get across the meaning better.
I am glad you liked my choice of location too. Dom will be going back to it in the future chapters ;)
Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. I hope you can come back and give me your views on the rest of the chapters as well!