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Review:teh tarik says:
Hello Jami :)

Wow, this is a very strong beginning. This prologue is mostly narration and, as you mentioned in your author's note, functions to set the tone. Well, I think you've certainly achieved your purpose here. The tone of this story is dark - very dark, and the fact that this is in second person POV makes the narrative a whole lot more sinister; I'm going to be a little dramatic and say that your prose is alive and pulsing with this horror thrill. The fact that the narrative seems to be addressing Bellatrix directly is really chilling; it sort of bestows a power on her, a power beyond the words of the story - I dunno how to explain this, but it sort of invokes her presence, calls her to rise to power. This is especially evident in this line: You've been given a gift. The ability to see the way things are destined to be and act on that. Don't let that gift go to waste.

I really enjoyed the opening paragraph of the story; the first sentence is an instant hook, and the rest of it is worded perfectly. Also, the sentences were very effectively structured; the lengths of individual sentences were varied and the flow of the narrative was impeccable. It's such a strong beginning.

I've heard a lot about your Bellatrix :) And so far in this prologue, she is certainly very Bellatrix-y - manic and obsessed and fanatical and oh-so-impassioned. It's a little frightening just how intense she is, and I think this is what you were going for? So well done on that.

Anyway, this is a very strong and tense start so well done! I'm off to read your next chapter :)

-teh

Author's Response: Hi Teh!! I was so happy that we got paired!

I'm so excited that you felt like this prologue was dark! I really wanted to just give that... chilling feeling... to get started.

I think writing in second person is my favorite tactic to give things a sort of blurry feeling. So it doesn't have to make complete sense and can kind of be off in its own world.

I keep trying to respond intelligently to this, but seriously your comments are just so sweet and well thought out, that I want to just sit here and smile. Haha

Awww I can't tell you how much it means that you've heard about my Bellatrix! We've bonded over the last year... haha. Yes, intense and completely unable to focus on anything else but what she's meant to do for the Dark Lord is definitely something I wanted to get across in this.

I really doubt I'm making any sense. It's your fault for leaving these amazing reviews! I'm all puddles!

Thank you &heats;



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