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Review:nott theodore says:
Hey *waves* just a little aside - since you asked me to beta I left you a message over on the forums, so I don't know if you've seen that yet.

Onto the chapter...

One thing that I noticed here was that even though there were still some mistakes, your grammar and spelling seems to have improved since the last chapter, so well done there.

I'm glad that Lucy has made up with her family and I quite liked Dom's character in this chapter...definitely quite embarrassing. My favourite line was probably "Everyone is scared of a Weasley howler." I also think that using more variation in the length of your paragraphs does improve this chapter.

I think you need to develop your characters a bit more to improve the story, especially Oli, as he doesn't seem to have a real personality here. Lucy's voice comes through really well, but I do think her reactions are quite extreme sometimes - does she really need to knee Al just for that comment? I think it would be more normal for her to elbow him or something similar.

Finally, this chapter left me feeling quite confused...is Lucy actually adopted or is she a Weasley. I'm not sure if you wanted this to be clear or not though.

Keep writing!

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: all is to be revealed over Christmas and I haven't seen your message :/

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