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Review:Jchrissy says:
Okay I have to get the side of me that works with children all day out -- WHERE ARE THESE CHILDREN'S PARENTS. Hahahahah.

I thought this was really, really entertaining and made me want to hug each of them, but I do think you maybe should include something in the beginning about either them sneaking off, then end it with a worried bunch of parents showing up, or maybe the lake is barely a pond and in reality the parents can see pretty clearly the whole time?

I think that would make this more realistic but keep the exciting adventure sort of spirit alive. It would take someone Lily's size (3 or 4) less than a minute to drown. The size of her lungs would be small enough that with an accidental swallow, it could kill her really quickly. So I kind of kept freaking out about why on earth the parents weren't around, hahaa. Not that that's actually your fault or the fault of the story... sorry, I'm turning my worrier brain off. Haha.

You did such an awesome job giving Victoire both a bossy but loving sort of personality. I bet either you're the oldest, or have a strong personality older sister. I swear, I felt like I was a kid again following my sister around as she ordered me to do crazy things, haha!

I also think you manged to get both her personality one that fits so well with both her parents!! I feel so often like people either make a sibling an identical version of a parent or nothing like them, but you really found a perfect balance in this!

She has her mother's pride. She's in charge of keeping them all happy (Oh! Also! Maybe you could show them all coming back and Victoire and Teddy getting in big trouble because they were supposed to watch over the youngsters and keep them in the back yard or something? That would tie up the, why aren't these parents watching them!Feeling nicely, haha!). Anyway-- she refused to give up, going above and beyond to do well as the oldest cousin. Then look at her bravery! So much like Bill! LOVE it!

All the age differences were so adorable. Watching them interact...you really captured that free spirit of childhood so well.

One last thing -- there are a few paragraphs and lines that you don't have the spacing between :)! I think adding that would give this lovely story a nice, clean feel!!

Awesome job ♥

Author's Response: Yaayyy Jami!! Thank you so much for dropping by - your helpful advice is always needed! :)

I'm glad you thought it was entertaining - and I must admit - I did think a bit about the parents. Buuutt I totally lost the whole parent-y instinct vibe - so thank you for pointing that out! I think the parents would be worried sick about the whole bunch of children gone missing, and I was too dumb to realise that parents would notice if a huge bunch of children went missing! Doh! Thanks for showing me :)

Yeah, my older sister is some what a strong hearted soul. One of the reasons why I'm a gryffindor is probably because I'm one of the only ones in the family who can stand up to her, haha. I did just follow my older sister around constantly, and do what she told me!

Yay I'm glad Victoire reminded you of Fleur (and brave Bill)! I did try to show a decent bit of resemblance between the siblings and their parents, but then make them their own as well, so I'm thrilled you thought I got the balance right. I love your idea! I will definitely go add that in! Like that the parents could see them the whole time! Awesome! And yeah, a bit more space could help the story be a bit more easier to read and a bit more esthetically pleasing.

Thank you for reviewing, it's lovely to hear your expert opinion, and your reviews are also so long, detailed and awesome! Thank you so much Jami :D


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