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Review:CherryBoom says:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review. Sorry that I'm bit late, it has been exceptionally busy week. On to the review then (it's super long)... =)

I really like your Tonks. She has carefree personality that I think she should have. Blowing up toilets with Charlie was a nice little detail. I can see them doing exactly that, and then the head boy Bill trying to catch them red-handed. =)

I kind of would have liked to know something about Kingsley's and Dawlish's appearances. Like were they under cover too?

Kingsley's dialogue... Hmm... I kind of feel that it could use little defining to make bit clearer their work relationship, since the dialogue felt more like two close friends chatting, not like boss-employee situation. Also, I imagine Kingsley to be bit more manly when he talks. But that's just my 2 cents. =P

Bill's and Tonks's friendship felt natural. Bill's description felt adequate, since I learned so many things from their discussion. The veela bit was a nice reference to HP books and it was cute how Bill is already smitten with Fleur.

The one thing that was missing was when Bill actually left from table to get more drinks? He was there asking about it, and then he was just gone?

I feel like Tonks and Remus established a tentative friendship here. There wasn't many clues about how they relationship is about to change, but I quite like that they aren't head over heels in love instantly.

Tonks has been tripping over her feet quite many times in these two chapters. While she's clumsy, maybe that characteristic could be shown off with some other method for a change.

This chapter would benefit of beta reading, if you find it hard to spot inconsistencies. There were quite many little things throughout the chapter, like wondering -> should be wandering (the beginning and the end of chapter), there were some words missing from ends of sentences and some phrases didn't quite sound right.

The strongest part of this fic is your Tonks. I like her alot, and I'm interested in reading more just because she's so fresh and funny. =) The details about her life were really nicely planned too, like the primary school detail.

The story flow was maybe bit slow in the beginning but then it began pick up speed nicely once we got into the Leaky Cauldron. This story is one of the most promising Remus/Tonks fics out there, so you're off to good start.

Happy writing! If you need help with beta reading or have questions, let me know. =)

Author's Response: Haha it's fine! Ah this review is so long and helpful I'll try and address all the points in it!

Haha yeah I have to say I really love writing Tonks mainly due to her general attitude to life, it's just so lovely and you almost wish that you can be like her, as she doesn't tend to take all that much seriously which makes me envious.

Yeah I realise now that I need to address the thing about Dawlish and where Kingsley stands with Tonks. I have a habit of making men sound like girls and it's really annoying :/

I'm glad that the friendship with Bill and Tonks worked, as that was probably the part I was most worried about, as it's not strictly canon! I'll go and place him in the scene too!

I'm glad that the change in their friendship was good for you, and that it's not too obvious now, and building slowly. I realised that when writing it, but it was mainly due to a lack of a better alternative, so I'll brainstorm some more ideas!

Well, I've already let you know about the beta thing, and I just want to say another massive thank you for pointing out blindling obvious things that I and other people have missed!

-Kiana :D


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