Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Lululuna says:
Hi! Here for your requested review :)

Just by reading the first sentence I was completely blown away by the beautiful descriptions. The line: "cascading sheets of water now slashing almost sideways" caught my eye straight away, and I could picture the scene precisely! So well done, that's very tricky to write well. Your writing style is very wordy, but I think it more than works.

I was very intrigued by the characters you've set up here. First-Bellatrix. It's interesting to see her as being quite younger, and she doesn't come across as mad, more power-hungry and a little over-dramatic. I actually really like this, it would make sense that after a few years in Voldy's service and a decade in Azkaban that she would emerge the wild Bella we all know and love, but that she would have started out as being more normal. It's sweet that she actually seems to love her family, and what a close sister relationship she and Ambrosia share.

Also, it was great how Bellatrix was trying to recruit Ambrosia to the Death Eaters, and how she was talking them up like they're a sort of society club. I loved it!

Next-Ambrosia. She appeals to me a lot as a character, as she seems very relateable as a typical seventeen year old: full of ambitions, easily irritated, etc. Also, her thoughts and admiration of Voldy fit perfectly. Your descriptions actually made me understand the appeal of following him and his great power. I usually find the best way to really get into a character's head is through first person narration, but you've done an amazing job here at proving me wrong and giving insight into Ambrosia through third person, as well as giving her depth in this short chapter.

Oh! And I also found the name choice interesting. Ambrosia was a food of the god's that would heal people and sometimes bestow immortality, right? So it's interesting that immortality is what Voldy is seeking... anyway, I'm not sure if the name will have significance in your story or not, but I found that interesting!!

Anyway, amazing job here! I'll be back to review your next two chapters, definitely sooner rather than later. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!

I'd like to start off by saying how very sorry I am that it took me so long to review. This semester's finals hit like a ton of bricks, and unfortunately my leisure writing and all that relates to it had to be forced, most unwillingly, onto the back burner.

That graveyard is my baby. I'm glad you noticed and enjoyed the descriptions! I definitely got carried away writing them, I was pleased with this great new idea I had for a story, and I wanted to set the scene appropriately. It has occurred to me that the descriptions are too wordy, but though I've edited them many times, I never took them out, and the positive responses I have received with regard to them make me glad of the decision. :)

My characters are the matter of greatest concern to me, and I was happy to see that you thought them relateable and especially, interesting! I have a pretty clear idea at this point of exactly how Bellatrix descended into madness, and why, and I'm glad that the power hungry and dramatic parts of her both come through, because I don't think she would have been so spectacularly insane without them.

Choosing the type of narration for this story was hard. I'm glad I do the third person justice, because I absolutely agree that first person will usually get you further into a character's head, and allow you to delve a little deeper into their emotions and thoughts. However, I also wanted the freedom to disagree with Ambrosia and to be objective where she isn't. I wanted the changes in her to be clear later on, and it struck me as a harder thing to do if I'm speaking through her.

One last thing! I was thrilled to read your comments on Ambrosia's name. I wasn't going to ever mention it in the story, but yes, there is absolutely a reason I chose it for her, and I felt that it fits both her personality and her life story on a few levels. I wasn't sure if anyone would pick up on it, but I was hoping for it, and it basically makes me want to jump around in place a few times and then implore you to read everything I've ever written. ;)

Thanks again for the superb attention to detail and robust commentary!

-Warrior


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 397
Submit Report: