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Review:academica says:
Hello! Here from Team Bronze for the Review Battle!

This is a very intriguing beginning. I hope I'm meant to be so confused and haven't just missed the point entirely. I was able to guess that "Hermione" was actually Pansy before you revealed her name, and it breaks my heart that the relationship she has with Draco (I'm presuming) has turned violent. I wonder who the associate is?

The opening with Marianne was interesting, too. I liked how her description of Bellatrix's attack seemed removed--as she described, she was more like a witness who just didn't do anything about it. It'll be interesting to see how Marianne's story is related to the scene with Alexander and Pansy.

I noticed a couple of mistakes scattered throughout the chapter, mostly erroneous uses of commas. I also noticed that you tend to use periods in dialogue tags when commas would be more appropriate. I think there's a tutorial on the forum to help with that. You might also consider looking into getting a beta just to help you smooth those mistakes out.

This is a lovely start :)


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