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Review:adluvshp says:
Hello! Here to review your entry for my challenge.

Aw this was such a sad piece. I could cry =(

Your writing style is really good, you managed to convey a lot of emotions in a short piece. I feel so sad for Percy, he seemed so excited for the baby, and then the end, oh dear. I like the inclusion of Percy actually repenting his past mistakes and thinking about telling his child about them all, and of giving his child a better life. And then, in the end, when Percy thinks he has failed as a father like he failed as a brother, it tied in really well with the whole scenario you presented earlier (though it ripped my heart). That one ending sentence itself was very powerful.

All in all, I think you did a great job writing this and I really liked it. Your writing style, characterisation, plot, and emotional intensity was very good.

The only CC I have is that perhaps I'd have liked a little more description, but I understanding that you were aiming for shorter descriptions to synchronise it with the lyrics so it's okay. So, good job!

Thanks for entering this in my challenge. The results should be announced in a few days/weeks.


Author's Response: Hello there! :D

I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D

A few people said I should have added more description, but I purposely did that. I've actually experienced it through my mother, and honestly, the whole situation felt like it lasted one second. I'm glad you understand though!

Thanks for putting up the challenge! Without it, this would have never been posted!

Thanks for the lovely review! :D

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