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Review:peppersweet says:
Hey, I'm here from review tag!

I was drawn to this one by the bright banner and I think you've done well to establish a lighter tone in the first few paragraphs, especially given that opening line and the subject matter! You're dealing with heavy issues without them seeming heavy and that's quite refreshing.

Ellie's gift is really interesting and unusual. It's a lovely starting point for the story and the passage about Ellie's mother dying makes her gift seem even sadder.

One thing I'd like to pick up on is your use of short, single-sentence paragraphs. I think it works well now and again for dramatic (or comedic, as it was in the opening) affect, but when it's used throughout the entire chapter it can disrupt the flow. Some of the chapter, for example, the parts about Ellie's mother's death, could be condensed into a single paragraph. You could still keep the abrupt short sentences, but maybe consider reducing the number of short paragraphs...if that makes sense? The chapter also seems to move quite quickly between the different scenes which is probably to do with this.

And another wee thing I'd like to pick up on - Rose asking Ellie to go to the 'mall' is a bit of an Americanism. Something like 'going to the shops' would sound more natural :) similarly for 'bookstore' - it'd be 'bookshop'. But that's seeeriously nitpicking on my part and I don't think it detracts from your story in any way.

Nice start! Like I said, Ellie's gift is a really interesting thing to work the story from, and I love how you started it with her discovering the gift at a young age instead of explaining it away at a later stage. Good job! ♥

Author's Response: Hello! *waves*

Bright banners are awesome. All credit to the awesome artist! I tried really hard to make this light and humorous because I have this thing about angst. I might make the story a bit darker as we go along, though!

Her gift is sad in that aspect. I plan to explore that later on. She isn't as cool with it as she seems!

Yeah... you're right about the single-sentence paragraphs. I think I was trying to see which writing style would fit best, but I think you make a good point about everything having its place!

I have no idea why I said mall. I've never used the word in real life - I'm Australian. I'll change that when I go back and edit!

Thank you for your lovely review!


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