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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hey Lia! I am SO sorry for how long it's taken me to get to this story and review! I've been so busy with everything lately that i've barely had time to sit down and leave a proper review!

I really like you description here. It's simplistic but i think you get across a lot with a few words and it paints a really vibrant picture for me. I think some of the simple but strong descriptions that i liked were the scarf the colour of her yes resting around her neck, how her fingers where running across the rough paper, and how she grabbed onto his clenched hand at the beginning. Some of these were just really telling of their situations, their feelings, and their past. Which is really cool because you didn't need to explain a lot to get across a little. We know where Snape comes from, we know where other Slytherins come from, and we get a feel of the stigma that is their friendship.

One thing i did notice about your description because although i found it very effective most times there were moments where i thought there should be more. For example, between the second last and last segment. It felt like there needed to be a bridge there to go from their kissing sort of couply moments to her indecision of where they actually stood as friends or something more. Maybe not a new segment but something that leads to this train of thought. Why did it happen? Where there signs? Maybe i just missed them though but I felt like it was a little abrupt. Was it just a misunderstanding between them and the wrong use of words from the segment before or was Lily having serious doubts of where they should go? It's not like all those questions need to be answered because i like ambiguous stories but a tad more clarity here and there may be able to make the story more emotionally impacting.

I liked the secrecy of their relationship, the way they snuck around and hid from both of their friendship groups. That isn't something you see often and it usually is shown that they show their friendship with no shame. I got the impression here that even as friends they snuck about.

It ended a little abruptly. I suppose i'd have liked a few more sentences to just end his train of thought and to give the story closure. Maybe not even his train of thought but even just an action, something that makes me feel like the story has ended. I just felt like it went rather quickly and there was this build up of emotion and uncertainty and then he just immediately accepts that it's okay at the moment to be where they are.

Past that though, i think you've done a really wonderful job with this. I like the style of your writing a lot and everything was described in a really clear way. It made seeing each scene you described really clearly and I loved the wintery feel of this whole piece. It kind of mixed well with some of the bittersweet tones that you have placed throughout the one-shot and gave a sense (for me anyway) of foreboding because i'm assuming this is their fifth year and things are about the change for them drastically. How their relationship was and soon will change forever.

This is a great story Lia! I'm glad i had the chance to read and review it!

zayne

Author's Response: Zayne,

Oh gosh. I am so sorry. It's been almost a year. I have no excuses anymore :(

I enjoy reading descriptions like that too and I try to include them in my own writing. It's a bit like showing instead of telling. It's subtle, a lot like their relationship in this story. They had to be careful.

I struggled a lot with this story, to tell you the truth. This is set in the Chrismas of 5th year, before everything falls to pieces. The end was supposed to be foreboding. There was a misunderstanding. I won't put it past him to think negatively and to accept rejection. It seems this showed up more of his personality that I expected. She is used to being good friends with him. In her eyes, that is what he is, first and foremost. She didn't have doubts, but I expect his behaviour from her perceived rejection created them. I'm sorry, I should have made this clearer.

I got the feeling that as things became more difficult at Hogwarts, especially for Snape, that their friendship was more secretive. I'm sure Lily was proud that they were friends. They understood each other very well. For Snape, she's probably the few females in his life who truly accepted him for who he was.

When I get the chance, I'll go through this one-shot and re-write things, for the sake of clarity.

Thanks for reading and taking time out to tell me your thoughts. I'm really sorry I took so long to respond to this.


Lia


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