Hey teh! Here for your requested review. Apologies for the extreme delay!
First off, I have to say, don't worry too much and don't lose your confidence. You're a great writer so really, be confident in your skills =) This story is surely very unique and different, but this just proves how talented you're, so you really shouldn't worry so much.
I quite liked this chapter. I loved the way you described the "state" Fred is in. I was wondering throughout where exactly he is, and where he has to go from here. It was all very bizarre (as it should be), and had my curiosity peaked. The confusion and weirdness and what not Fred was 'feeling' was very evident throughout, and I really enjoyed your descriptions of everything through his eyes.
I can definitely see why you think you should swap this chapter for chapter two. It would certainly work well with the story flow and pace that way, so good decision =)
Your imagery is as always amazing. I absolutely feel drawn into the story, and you totally keep all my five senses "engaged". It's all very vivid and surreal, and I love it.
I am hoping that Fred remembers everything about his "living life" soon, as it seems like only then he'll be able to "move on" from the limbo state (?) he is in.
As I said before, you're a very talented writer and I am pleased the way the story is going. You really seem to have thought this through, and of course this takes a lot of imagination and out-of-the-world thinking, so hats off for that. I do have to say that the story, especially this chapter, can get a little heavy on the mind here and there though. Not 'heavy' in the sense of boring or lengthy way (because really your descriptions are superb and your narrative brilliant, so it can't get boring ever), but heavy in the sense that it is all a tad confusing. I had to re-read certain parts to really take in what was happening and even then I can't exactly grasp what is going on. Even George's thoughts were slightly muddled in the previous chapters. Of course, I understand that all these wayward style of thinking is your intention, but if you could ease up just a little bit (if possible), it'd be great.
You asked me if there's anything over-the-top here, and I'd say that no to that. It was surreal and bizarre yes, but not over-the-top. Nothing appeared as draggy to me, and everything fitted well. Of course the little bit of "weirdness" that came with the placing of this chapter will automatically be amended once you switch this for chapter two. I enjoyed Fred's voice immensely, as I mentioned before, you've described his thoughts really well.
The only CC I have is, it can all get a little heavy especially when you have so much "expression" in one chapter, so it'd be better to try and clear things up a little - ease up on the "muddled" writing style, if you can do that (and if it suits the story).
Apart from that, it was all pretty good and I am liking the story so far. The chapter was well-written, and oh I must commend you on your vocabulary - pretty good!
Great going! Keep writing!
P.S. Sorry if this review was a little repetitive or not very coherent, I am dead tired right now so just randomly putting down my thoughts and not really thinking about it!
Author's Response: Hello AD ♥
Gah, thanks for this lovely review and the amazingly helpful CC! And don't worry about the delay; we're all busy people here :)
It's been quite a while since I updated this fic (my very first HP fanfic ^.^) and I did make a whole lot of notes for future chapters, but unfortunately they all got deleted -___- Originally this story was going to be a short one, a sort of Weasley family drama, but obviously things have got a bit out of hand and started changing on their own :P
I'm so so happy the imagery and descriptions worked for you and that some parts were very engaging! And yes, Fred is in a state of Limbo, kinda like Harry was in limbo in DH, but it's a lot less pleasant here and Fred basically has no memory at all. This chapter is definitely meant to be confusing and hazy and all, but that being said, I really don't want to go overboard with all that and I don't want to leave the reader fumbling in the dark trying to understand what's going on.
Thank you so much for pointing out that things can get heavy and a bit overwhelming. I was worried about that actually, and your CC has confirmed my suspicions :) I think I'll go through this chapter again and sort of remove bits and pieces, so to make it a bit easier on the reader. Perhaps shorten the chapter, or take out one or two scenes or something.
Thanks so much for dropping by and taking the time to read and review AD ♥ You've been so helpful and so encouraging with this review!
And I'm dead tired too; it's past 3am so I apologise if parts of this response don't make sense :P