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Review:Toujours Padfoot says:
Hi! Thank you for linking me to your story. Right off the bat, I've got to say that I don't completely understand everything that's going on in this. I like stories with this type of format - simple but somewhat stylistic, using repetition - but they can be tricky to navigate if the concept is too vague and open to interpretation. I've seen a lot of stylistic stories fall into a trap where they are too vague about what is going on with the hopes that readers will guess and can hopefully come up with their own poetic and convoluted interpretation when really, it all is what it is on the surface. When you write a story, no matter what style it is, focus on the story itself and don't let the writing become defined by poetic lines spaced intermittently.

Since I don't know who the characters were or very much about them except for blurry glimpses and emotions that ping-pong from cold loathing to love that's written in the stars, I really cannot come away with very much to talk about. :/ Do they love each other or hate each other? You might want to clear that up. Ambiguity at a certain point just becomes confusing instead of artistic. I do know that the female character died in the war and that she had brown hair and liked books; I know that he said she was fake and he hated the idea of spending the rest of his life with her while in other parts of the story he mourned having her taken away because they were supposed to have grown old together. It's difficult to reconcile these polarized feelings to make sense of who the characters are.

I've just read your author's note and I'm a bit surprised to see that she died in the first world war. You mentioned "I think the three wars happened", so I assumed this was farther into the future.

I hope you don't take this constructive criticism too harshly; I did like this piece. I think it has a lot of potential to be even better. Take the disconnected parts that are artistic and sound kind of lyrical (the repetitive 'we were just kids', for example, is aesthetically pleasing but makes it sound sort of like a song instead of a story due to the amount of times it appears) and give them meaning below the surface, as well, and the story would flow much better and tell a more defined story.

I love that you used the song 'Kids' for inspiration. I'm a huge MGMT fan. :)

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