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Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
Oooh, I really liked this chapter. I think it set up a lot of potential conflict for the rest of the story!

As a fan of Louis, I was sorry to see him get such a cold reception from his new colleagues, but from a story perspective, I thought it was a wonderful addition. Miranda seems like a handful, and there are so many ways you could take her character in the future. Quentin was no treat either, but his comments were valid. Louis is pretty young and inexperienced, and they have a serious job to do. I'd be worried too about if he was up for the task.

On a similar note, acknowledging Louis' potential shortcomings is a great way of keeping him grounded as a character, and I know characterization is one of your AoC. He's clearly young and smart and advancing quickly in his career. But reminding the reader that he isn't perfect and still has a lot of hard work ahead of him helps keep him likable and feeling like an "everyman" sort of character. I also really liked the way the negative comments from the group almost seemed to give him a boost of confidence, even if only for a brief moment. He got a bit defiant in his own head, thinking, "I've paid my dues." Of course, he goes back to second-guessing himself right after, but maybe this sort of need to prove himself to the group will help him grow.

Overall, I think you're doing a really good job with Louis' character. And even more than that, I love that even your "background" characters all have very strong and distinct personalities. It really leaves the reader with the impression that any of them could return at a future point in the story and play some sort of pivotal role.

It was really nice to see some more of the family here too. Having a werewolf amongst them, especially one so young, really adds another layer to Louis' work. I wonder if/how that might unfold in future chapters. I can't help but suspect there might be more crossover down the road... Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like there is a lot more to come plot-wise. I know Louis' work will play a major role, but I can't help but think there is something more brewing underneath...?

In terms of CC, you might want to give the opening paragraphs another look over. There were a few tense changes again, which break up the flow. Two sentences that caught my eye: I'm not exactly sure whether he would actually be in his office, though it was worth a shot AND I'd been counting down until my supervision was over and when it finally was I'm caught off guard because it was no longer the number one thing I was looking forward to.

Also, and I think this is just a typo, but you have one of the group in the lab looking in a telescope. I think you might have meant microscope.

I'm sorry again and again for taking so long to get to your reviews. If I didn't totally drive you off, please feel free to request again anytime.

Author's Response: Those pesky tenses! That's definitely the area of grammar that really trips me up. And I definitely meant microscope, thanks for pointing that out!

I'm glad that Louis's character is making him likable for you, though. I definitely wanted to keep him grounded as a character so that readers wouldn't dislike him. No one likes a show off who doesn't have faults. And I definitely enjoy writing characters more so than the actual plot; for me, characters are what drive the plot, so it means a lot that you can see the side characters just as distinctly as you can Louis. Thanks again for the amazing feedback!


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