So it is my job to deliver the ship names that Julia and I have thunk, that is 'Grugo', 'Grego', 'Huta', 'Huga', and 'Huggreta', which sounds like a spiffin' (I am so appreciative of the word spiffin') dragon.
This is such a cute start c: I love Greta's general 'tude to whole Wazz-lees (there are so many of them), and I've been waiting for a Muggle point of view that doesn't make a big fuss of things, where magic's nearly normal and just a ~weird thing your sister does~. I've already projected myself on her because I am the little sister, and all little sisters share the same grumbly disposition to anything their big sister does, not to mention me meeting new family is like, -cautiously slides from view-
I noticed Astrid (they have such COOL NAMES and don't get me started on Hansel, who I hope has a poster of Jeremy Renner on the side of his cage) says 'Greta' quite a lot in conversation. Also, I think you could consider moving some of the information from the dialogue into non-dialogue descriptions. The conversation in the beginning runs a bit long in places and I can see there's a lot of characterization you want expressed, and I think some of it would be better relegated as Greta's internal thoughts, which would also break up some of the other dialogue and flesh out Greta more. Descriptions have a different feel than dialogue; you tend to get more of the narrator's voice and they don't seem like forced chatterboxes, and you also get the chance to flesh out the world you want to build. For example, everything about Greta not taking things seriously, instead of repeating it in dialogue, bring up a recent example of when Astrid last accused Greta of that. Maybe think of Hansel so it foreshadows the rabbit's introduction.
THAT WAS A REALLY LONG PARAGRAPH SORRY AND I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHY ME AND JULIA ARE CREEPING ON YOU BUT UH, WE DON'T REALLY HAVE A GOOD ANSWER FOR THAT. UM YEAH I HOPE YOU STICK AROUND -salutes- HPFF COULD ALWAYS USE SOME FRESH BLOOD c:
Author's Response: Two brilliantly detailed reviews in two days? The universe is spoiling me. Seriously, this is really good for my ego in a very bad way.
I want to start with how glad I am that you mentioned all that about the dialogue, especially the bit about her not taking things seriously. I've been sort of annoyed by that since I wrote it, but I couldn't figure out some way to get around the repetitive feeling of it while retaining the importance and not interrupting the conversation flow (which to be honest, is pretty lacking anyway).
GAH CHARACTERISATION. God I know I'm too obsessed with it. It can be a tad suffocating when I just mash it all up and shove it down your throat, can't it? Thanks for pointing that out, it's already been very helpful.
I feel like one of the things I lack as I writer is knowing how to properly mix dialogue and description. There's another bit I've written that I know is too heavy with description, and I've been trying to make the language lighter to make up for that, but maybe I'll just try adding some dialogue to break it up. Your advice works both ways, and that milady is some talented advice.
So I had to Google Jeremy Renner. I now have further evidence that the bubble I live in must seem very strange indeed to those I will both affectionately and cautiously term 'outsiders'.
LOL at Huggreta, honest. I'd no idea they would be shipped from chapter one. There's some information Huggreta shippers should probably be privy to sooner rather than later, but I shall delay. Though I'm really not sure if it's better or worse that way.
You need no excuses to creep. I creep on both of you, and now the creeping has been returned. I will consider this retribution.
(As a side note, you should be very impressed that I contained my fangirling in this review response. Because I think you're the spiffinest of the spiffy spiffins. That is all.)
I would also like you to know that if telling me to stick around was some reverse psychology voodoo intended to scare me away, IT HAS FAILED.
Take a second to wrap your head around that.