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Review:Lululuna says:
Hello, here for your requested review! :)

First of all, I really like the whole idea of the Weasleys having big gatherings where the kids get to run wild and go on fun adventures like "banshee hunting." It's a very appealing and relatable childlike situation, but with magic added to the equation which makes it all the more interesting! (Although, I hope the parents were at least keeping a secret eye on them, especially since Lily and Hugo would have been so young!)

I also enjoyed the characterization of Victoire as the long-suffering, responsible older cousin. You did a great job of writing her personality, and I really admired her as a character. My favourite moments were probably when she was stressing about entertaining all of them, and her relief when she found her siblings safe-it was very nicely described.

You did a good job with adding in little details that were pure gold. For example, poor Roxy having Phoenix Pox, and Teddy's hair turning blue as he reached the water.

I think that the introduction was a strong way to set the scene and the relationships between the cousins. However, I could be wrong but I think it should be spelt "whiner," not "winer." I was confused for a minute as I thought you might have meant that Victoire hated "winners"! :P Also, you could consider tying in how she hated whiners at the end of the story, which would lead the scene in a nice little circle-maybe conclude with saying that none of them had whined in hours or something?

Also, I found the structure a little hard to follow at times. The formation of the sentences and coherence of thoughts was good, but the way that the sentences are condensed in small formations isn't very user-friendly. If you were to space out each separate line, or to form them into smoother paragraphs, I think it would be a little easier to read! I hope that makes sense, haha. :)

Hopefully this review was at least a little helpful!! I really liked the story, keep up the strong writing!!!

Author's Response: Awh thank you for getting back to me so quickly and reviewing such a long review too!! It's awesome of you ;)

I'm really glad you liked Victoire - I felt that she doesn't really get enough judos for being the oldest cousin, as it's a very tricky job to keep everyone happy (I speak from experience!) and I tried to not make her this whinging fussy girl - so I'm thrilled you liked her!

Thank you! I did try to add in little things like that, so I'm really pleased you picked up on that, because I tried really hard to set the scene.

I've changed the whole 'winers' thing - thanks for pointing that out. I added in some on it - it's so useful of you to point that out - and I think it wraps it up nicely now and leaves the reader more satisfied :) I've also edited the structure - so it's more of an easy to follow narrative, hopefully - and easier on the eye.

This review is really helpful, thank you so much - I really enjoyed reading it - and it was lovely of you to respond so quickly and nicely as well! Thank you - you're seriously awesome :D


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