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Review:nott theodore says:
Hi!

I like the longer scenes in this chapter as I think it helps the flow of the story a lot more. Your characterisation of Lucy is good; she has a definite voice which comes through in your narrative. I like the introduction of the new characters into this chapter. It's nice to think that Lucy might have some friends outside of her family.

I'm impressed by Lucy's quidditch talents, and it's nice to think she'll have a chance to display them and get her moment to shine. The ending was effective; I'm very intrigued about what Rose will do in the future and how things will develop for Lucy and the relationships with her family.

I think sometimes you forget that your readers don't know as much as you do and it would be helpful to explain some of the events a bit more. For example, Oli hasn't been mentioned before in this story but suddenly Lucy is going out with him - it's quite confusing as there hasn't been any real introduction of his character. I noticed a few grammar/spelling errors here as well, so I would recommend editing those or getting a beta if you struggle with it.

Keep writing!

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: Thanks for another review! Yes, I'm really bad at spelling and grammar, sorry for that :(
I have been looking into having a beta, as I have written up to chapter nine. I'm going to edit over everything, and include Oli in the first two chapters, as I forgot to add him in :(
Also, if you wouldn't mind considering to be my beta? I mean, its okay if you say no.

~Macy x


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