So. You have a crazy story for me, hm? Lets read it!
Your opening paragraph: Very grabbing. I am immediately intrigued. It's vivid.
"Across the hall, standing by the fireplaces now burning with green flames, was a man in a mask and a hooded black cloak."
-Well, then. Is he hallucinating? Also, I love how descriptive you are. Nothing serious has happened (except for...you know murder in the forrest. heh. *whistles*), but I have this sense of tension from the way Harry's acting. I love it.
"But the man was gone. As though he’d never been at all"
-So he was hallucinating? This may be premature, but ten points for me!
"There was no other word for the night but silvery. Everything seemed coated in something invisible and ethereal, and the whole world was snug in its seeming security and pleasantness."
-It's so pretty! It somehow reminds me of how the narrator spoke in Fight Club. But prettier. It's like Harry can't let go and see that is *is* a wonderful world now. It's creepy!
"Panic, unnamed but no less feared, began to creep in."
-I love how we have to see everything through harry's eyes, so it's hard to tell what's real and what in the heck is going on. I love it. :)
"They had no way of hearing the voices in the trees as he did."
-Eurgh. This is so vivid and creepy. It reminds me of something, but I can't quite say what. Shiver.
"They had come back for him. He knew they would eventually."
-Schizophrenia? Yikes. I've been unable to pause to give my reactions about all of this stuff because I couldn't stop reading. My heart is beating really fast and I'm worried that Harry is going to snap and kill all of his friends. D: Must read more.
"Harry tried to remember how to smile back."
-Eeek! We need intervention. Right now.
Have you read The Yellow Wallpaper? Because the floor is starting to remind me of that. And it's creeping me out. lol.
"And the mirror he was facing cracked."
-I'm scared. And getting suicide vibes. eek.
The end: Oh my gosh. This is crazy. I'm just...wow.
So. In general, this was amazing. Seriously, just wow. I loved how Harry was just loony tunes and the way his friends acted, and how dang creepy it was.great job. I have nothing to complain about, except I really wish that Hermione, Ron and Ginny had stepped in more forcefully to get him help. He was clearly not right in the head. :(
Anyway, great work. I loved it. Always feel free to PM me the links to your stories.
Characterization: 8/10 (I just feel like Hermione especially would have done something drastic to help him.)
Overall: 10/10 Great writing.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing this for me! I LOVE crazy stories, both reading and writing them -- I'm not sure why, but there you have it. This is still one of my favorite one-shots on my page.
I'm glad you liked the descriptions, too! ♥ I love using descriptions no matter what, but here it felt right because I think in his state of mind, Harry's senses would have been particularly heightened. Every movement, every shape would have served to make him more and more paranoid. (I've never read Fight Club -- not a huge Palahniuk fan -- but maybe I'll have to try it now!)
I have read "The Yellow Wallpaper," and that was really the first maddening story I ever read, so there was definite inspiration from that. ;) I'm pleased you made the connection! I think his friends were a bit useless, too -- although he and Ginny had broken up, at this point in the story. But Ron and Hermione, absolutely.
This response was a bit rubbish, but please know that this review totally and completely made my day. ♥ I'm so, so glad you enjoyed it, and I hope to see you return before too long!